A new reality (Sayonika)

Monika

I tap my pen on the paper, unsure of what to write, I'd been distracted all day with other things and it was so annoying, I constantly let my mind wander an endless plain of thoughts and it pulled my attention away from more important things. I slam the pen on my desk in frustration, feeling my anger in myself bubble over, then stop to listen, wary that my mother was in the house with me and would come running if she heard any loud noise, I couldn't hear her footsteps so I knew I was alright but I made sure I stayed quiet just in case, the woman seemed to worry about me at all the wrong moments. My phone pings, signalling a new message from one of my friends which only disheartened me because I didn't really like my friends at school, I look at the message and sigh.

'You coming to the party on Saturday? Aaron's gonna be there.'

I laugh but my giggles contained no humour, only distaste, I couldn't care less about Aaron who was a boy I had started talking to recently, everyone thinks I have a huge crush on him but they don't know anything, they don't know that we're both gay and we both want it to stay that way, it's sad because all the rumours have made him stop talking to me and we actually got along well, probably because we were both far back in the closet where all the old weirdly coloured coats are. I get another message because she's seen that I read her last one so I once again sigh and reply.

'I'll think about it. No promises though.'

I turn my phone off and place it down on the desk next to my pencil case. My friends just annoy me so much, that's why I made my own club, it means I have time to myself and be able to meet new people. I also have a new member, I'm surprised that I got one so quickly because I only proposed the club about a week ago, the teachers did seem hesitant to allow the club but I managed to convince them that it will be worthwhile and that I could make it work so they decided to trust me but only on one condition, I have until the festival to get 3 more people to join otherwise it won't happen, I'm now down to 2.

"Monika!"

My mother's voice drifted up to my room, making me freeze up, what did she want?

"Monika! Come here!"

I rose slowly from my desk and walked down to the kitchen where I saw my mother at the counter, preparing dinner for us, it looked like some weird fancy shit that she was always trying even though it tasted horrible most of the time.

"Hi mother," I say in a chirpy tone, concealing the slight fear I felt inside.

She looks up at me and smiles, it's a beautiful smile, a heart-winning smile that makes everyone who sees it swoon just a little, everyone says that I have her smile.

"Hello dear," she kisses me gently on both cheeks even though I had once expressed to her that it made me feel uncomfortable.

I could feel my heart beat faster, waiting to hear the door open, ready for the scream fest that was going to happen, he should be back by now...

"Where's father?" I asked.

She frowns, obviously quite annoyed at something, probably my father.

"Business trip."

I just stop myself from jumping with joy.

"Remember, sweetie, you don't need a man to make you happy," she practically spat the words.

My mother believed she made a mistake marrying my dad, I'm not surprised, all they do is fight, mainly about money. I don't even think they realise that I'm in the house when they do, I just stay in my room and listen to music, turning it up as loud as it can go to block out the shouting and screaming.

"So how was the debate club then?"

I hadn't told my mum about me quitting the debate club, I knew she'd be angry if she found out, she said she wanted me to become a politician one day and change this country for the better, it was a dream I had once wanted until I realised how unhappy it made me feel.