Voice | choi hyunsuk

19

Choi Hyun Suk

"Hyung just, just stop." Doyoung told me while avoiding eye-contact. He looked as if he's being swallowed by—guilt.

A few moments of silence followed. While I stared at Doyoung, he didn't have the heart to look back at me. He was biting his lips and his hands were trembling.

The next thing that happened, his aunt came barging outside and grabbed Doyoung, threatening him with a beating. She was grabbing him by his hair and forcefully dragging him inside because we were too loud, as she said.

I wanted to help and rush to his aid. But I couldn't.

All I could was start walking back home, hands in my hoodie pocket while the cold breeze casually crosses my path. No people, no ghosts, no one.

That just caused me to look back up at pitch black sky.

"Come on, even the stars won't join me?" I complained like an idiot.

It's lonely. It's so lonely.

—————

"Where have you been, huh?" My mom asked as soon as I walked in the living room.

"Friend's house." I briefly answered. Followed by that, I could smell the reek of alcohol on my mother.

I shifted my gaze at her and furrowed my eyebrows, "Eomma, can you stop drinking so often? My liver hurts watching you."

"Ya you little—do you know how stressful it has been? Gosh, you don't know anything." She told me, "For the love of—CAN EVERYONE STOP SAYING I DONT KNOW SHIT?!"

I couldn't help myself.

"Ya how dare you scream at me? I'm your mother." She stated and I could tell from her expression and tone that i'm about to get a good scolding.

Mom has been like this ever since dad left us. Always out, always drunk, i-ll tempered.

"Do you know how tough it's been? Maintaning this house and your education? And that's how you treat me? You're just like your dad! Both of you have never thanked for all the shit i've done! And the son that actually showed gratitude—he's the one that's gone! Why were you even the one—"

"Left behind?" I continued my mom's rant. "That's right. Why was I the one left, right mom?" I stared at my mom while she remained silent, my vision was getting blurry. The tears was threatening to jump out.

"I'm not the smart one, i'm not the helpful one, i'm not the normal one, i'm not my brother and that's my very mistake!" I stated.

"Because if hyung was the one that made it out, he would have found a way to keep you and dad from separating. He would've found a way to help you out. He would—he would work part time jobs, he would be the perfect son! Right mom?"

She wasn't willing to listen anymore. Tears were also falling off and across her cheeks as she avoided looking into my eyes.

I wiped my tears before they could come out. I rushed upstairs and slammed the door shut. My back was against the door as I slowly slid down.