Broken Hearts & Lonely Stars(girlxgirl)

Chapter Twenty One: An Angel's Mending

I could tell that she wanted me to accompany them to Amy's party which her father threw her for finishing chemo but I couldn't face her again. I simply broke that flower for being stubborn and hopeless to these feelings that were blooming inside of me. Before, these feelings were meant for Bridget but after become a lot colder and heartless, I don't know what to do with these feelings. I was a complicated girl. I wouldn't even date myself for that matter.

"Okay, well, there's leftover of the Chinese food we ate earlier in the fridge," she told me, slipping her arms through her black coat before grabbing her purse. "Your father left you sixty dollars if you want to order anything. Please, sweetie, don't let us find you high or drunk."

I sighed heavily, dropping my head back against the couch. "I'm not, Mom."

"You better, kid," my father's authoritative voice rang in my ears as a light slap hit my forehead. Navy blue eyes stared down at me, a hint of a smile on his lips. "We're taking Lilly so you can rest. Your mother's going to call you like around nine to check up on you. Got it?"

"Got it," I smiled back as my mother came around the back of the couch and kissed my forehead before grabbing Lilly's hand and walked out the front door.

My father lingered there for a moment, gazing at the screen of the television, his eyes glazed over in thought. For a brief second, I wanted to snap him out of his daze and see if this man who was my father would split his personality and become the bastard he once was but when those navy blue eyes drifted to mine, a warm, genuine smile brightened his features. The man he was before had vanished. The father I wanted to love me and show affection to me everyday was standing there within my grasp.

In a quick motion, he pulled my beanie over my face, chuckling, "We'll be back before eleven."

"You jerk!" I laughed with him, taking off my beanie. "Leave already and let me be in peace!"

"Okay, okay!" He chuckled as he grabbed his coat and approached the front door. Before he stepped foot outside, he looked over his shoulder at me and said, "I blocked all Showtime channels. I want your eyes virgin from seeing any adult shows." He snickered and closed the door behind him.

I rolled my eyes and gazed back at the TV. Images of gray eyes burned my mind. Tears running down her freckled cheeks as she gazed back at me with such raw emotions in those gray eyes. In my mind, I wasn't that cold to turn my back on her. Instead, I pulled her into an embrace, loving the feel of having her this close. The way her delicate body fit perfectly against mine. Just having her within my reach felt so...vivid.

I sighed, changing the channel. Tosh. 0 suddenly appeared and entertained me quickly yet my mind won't let me be with these images filled with Amy and the 'what ifs'. I didn't want to hurt her and being me, I hurt anyone that came my way. Look at my brother for an example. I broke the one promise I've given him to hold onto and in the end, I lost his trust.

"Why do I have to be such a heartless bitch?" I groaned as I stood up and walked to the kitchen.

I saw the sixty dollars on the counter but I ignored them. After the whole head bashing 'incident', my dad hid his liquor in his studies which was kept locked every day and night. But oddly, I wasn't craving for a shot of hard liquor nor beer. Instead, my body was itching for something. As if my body was a junkie going through cold turkey and its only addiction it craved right now wasn't here. I opened the fridge to see nothing that I wanted to munch. I was still full from the Chinese food so I got a can of soda and a box of Chips Ahoy! from the cabinet and walked back to the living room.

Drinking soda, munching on cookies, and watching Tosh. 0 was basically my Friday night. Memories of the nights I spent outside, roaming the streets with hooligans, not giving a damn about my life seemed so far away. Now, I wanted to be in my house and be the lazy bum I always am.