So I Broke My Neck

Sweet dreams are made of these (+ anniversary)

Anniversary was uneventful. Sure we joked about going back to the trampoline park and taking commemorative photo there but honestly? Not worth the money or effort to get a few likes on Facebook and laugh about it. Also I don't think there's a need to make such a big deal about something stupid I did a year ago (didn't feel that long though. Or maybe I'm just getting old?) Instead let me just write some stuffs before I forget it forever XD

Yeah. Because Uncle had stomach ill that day, it was just my mother and I who went down to Central because she was looking for fabrics to make bags and scarves. 

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Uhh... So. What happened after they put the brace on? Obviously it felt like shit. 

If you've ever gotten braces, you would know the feeling of something pushing into your skull. You would also know that when you're awake after the procedure, you feel like #1 warrior and think to yourself 'hey it wasn't that bad after all'. It only really kicks in the following morning when you wake up. During that graceful period from hell, you're dragged out of your slumber by a constant stiffness and a constant pain that you can't escape from.

I forgot the exact days, but the next two or three days I was hallucinating like some bad drug. Occasionally the nurses came and gave me painkillers and at first I tried not to take it because I was curious about the limits of my tolerance too, but in the end I ate it, less because of the pain but more because of the hallucinations.

The first night when I was hallucinating, I knew it wasn't real. The doctor had told me not to move my upper body that much, but I wanted to move my legs around and stretch a bit. Especially since I was lying there for a long while, my ass hurt too XD So there I was, bending my knees in a half asleep mode... And that half asleep brain was convinced that moving my legs will also somehow cause my neck to be dislocated, and end up paralyzing myself. 

Logically I knew it was a hallucination. 

Realistically, it didn't do anything to console me. I couldn't wake myself up 100% - Normally if you have a weird dream you pull yourself out of bed, get up, wash your face and maybe slap yourself a few times. Obviously that wasn't really possible (I can't even slap myself properly because of the halo frame. See?) so I was lying there panicking for a good while, fighting with my own brain and trying to either sleep fall asleep or wake up.

Of course sleeping didn't help, since my sleep was so fragmented anyway. I remember opening my eyes again and seeing that everything was still dark and grey, save for the white light that lit the corridors outside. In the end I gave up and pressed the button to call the nurse.

"What is it?" 

When she came I didn't even know how to phrase my questions. So I just asked something stupid like "Uh... Is it okay if I move my legs or will that hurt my neck more?"

"Of course it's fine! Just don't move your upper body too much." She must have thought what an idiot but at least she put another painkiller in the small plastic cup.

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The second time I was hallucinating, it was because I fell asleep with my earphones in, emo music cranked up to max volume. During that time I really loved Heaven's Weakness and Kokoronashi, which was suitable because I was being an emo shit:

酷いよ酷いよ もういっそ僕の体を
壊して引き裂いて好きなようにしてよ!

Anyway, when I slowly woke up, ambient music slowly increased in volume. It was so constant, and inescapable, because my genius ass had decided to put the song on loop since I loved it so much. I didn't know where the sound was coming from, and I honestly thought it was just in my head. Confused and unable to look around, I failed to recognize the origin of the song in my half-awake state, and it never occurred to me to just pull out my headphones.

It barely got bright outside then, but I can't deny I was screaming in stress during that time. The song was still infiltrating my brain like a horror movie and I couldn't find my phone or anything, let alone the nurse call switch. I don't even know why I was screaming - I think I thought that if I screamed enough I would wake up if it was a dream, but at the same time I didn't want to wake other people up and make a fool of myself in front of nurses. 

Well fortunately a nurse walked past and put me out of my misery after a short eternity. Half crying, I said, "I don't know where the sound is coming from," in a really distressed voice.

As anticlimactic as this story is, she simply reached over and pulled my earphones out and said "you're listening to music lor."

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The third and possibly last nightmare I had, before I made a point of taking painkillers before I slept:

We've all played claw machines. I felt like a soft toy with my head pinched by a claw. 

We've also all seen a diagram of a virus, sometime in year 9 biology. The bottom part of a virus looks like a claw machine claw.

This particular night, I dreamed that there was a giant virus walking in the distance. The scenery was dark and dystopian. I myself was another virus, with that claw on my head and all. No - I was a spider. Actually, I was some crazy mutant with multiple claws, much like spider legs. 

I knew I was hallucinating, and this time I got smarter. I grabbed my phone and texted my mom because I knew that talking to someone else helps clear your thoughts up real quick. Ask any teacher whose questions I raised my hand to answer to stop myself from falling asleep in class. Works every time.

So I sent my mum: Six legs or eight?

With absolutely no context. Obviously in my half awaked state, I expected everyone to be seeing the exact horror film as me. I clarified it after I woke up properly and she told me to write down / draw all my dreams so one year later this chapter was born.

If this entire story sounds rough, it's because it is. I'm transcribing my stream of conscience because I've been too lazy to document these three months and I just figured it's time to force myself to do it.