Falling ♡ Timothée Chalamet

20 - noise

He squeezes my arms gently. 'You dont' look good what happened?' I can't breathe, I can't think all I know is that I'm probably extremely pale right now and I feel like I'm suffocating. I feel like I might pass out.

My stomach flips and I might throw up any moment now, it feels like the walls are closing in on me and my feet start moving without me controlling them or telling them where to go. So I just let them guide me. Anywhere is better than here.

'El!' I'm outside. I can finally smell the fresh air. I feel calmer more collected. I can finally inhale and exhale without struggling and I don't realize how serious the situation is until I see Noelle and Timmy standing over me.

'Ella, can you hear me?' Timothée asks brushing my hair out of my face and cupping my cheeks.

I nod slowly but then I start to panic again because I don't know how I even ended up sitting on the dirty dirt filled ground, with my back against the cold wall and with wet tears staining my cheeks.

Just moments ago I had left the convenience store trying to catch my breath but somehow I ended up near the parking lot on the ground, with tears in my eyes. Noelle and Timothée look confused. 'I'm sorry- I must have freaked out when I-'

'Ella you scared us.' Noelle says cutting me off, her voice filled with worry and concern for me. It felt new. To hear her worrying about me was new, but it was also nice and it made my heart feel warm and my breathing started to get better. 'We didn't know what to do. You- you wouldn't stop crying and.. what happened?' She asks desperately, kneeling down so she was next to Timothée who was still holding my face in his hands and trying to read me and my scared expression.

'I'm sorry I scared you guys. I just.. I saw my father in there.' Timothée's hands lower from my face and Noelle raises her eyebrows in shock.

'Are you sure?' Timothée asks.

I nod. 'I'm sure.' I say. 'I can recognize the back of his head. I know every crease in his face, every wrinkle, Timmy trust me.. I saw his face and then I- I just lost it. I lost all control.' I recall seeing him now. It's coming back to me. Seeing the side of his face as he picked up a bottle of pills and examined it carefully with grace and ease and with a gentleness that he never had with me.

He almost looked peaceful as he stood there, in the middle of that aisle with a concentrated look on his face. But I know him well enough to know that there was nothing peaceful about that man. He was horrible. And just catching a glimpse of him for that one short moment made me want to run and hide forever.

He can't find me. He can't see me. I'd never be able to escape if he'd caught sight of me. I need to hide.

'El, does that normally happen to you?' Timothée asks and he's sitting down beside me now, his back against the wall and his hand reaching for mine and squeezing his gently.

I shake my head. 'No. It's the fist time I freak out like this.' I admit truthfully. I hated being weak, or vulnerable. And as much as I feared my father I always held it in. I always controlled my emotions and my fear of him.

But today I couldn't do that. I was so scared and terrified that I might as well have screamed in the middle of that convenience store. 'I think I've been so comfortable lately that I forgot what it felt like to be terrorized by him.' I say and at this point I feel steady again.

Timothée's hand in mine was steadying me, and Noelle's head on my shoulder steadied me too. The two of them sat on either side of me and didn't say a single word.

They understood. They knew how scared I was, how much that man abused me growing up. So they simply sat there with me as I got myself together. Timothée brushes his thumb over my knuckles and Noelle brushed my hair with her fingers to comfort me.