Searching For You

Chapter 4: Why?

Rey's POV:

After the fight is over and I manage to free my friends. I learn that they have been trying to get a hold of me for a while now but their coms system has been down or they have been jammed. They fill me in on everything they know about the Final Order, which isn't much. I end up excusing myself and head towards the woods to find a place to meditate since I still feel on edge from earlier. I sit down on the ground and just wait to feel something. The force seems to be balanced for the most part, which surprises me a little, I would have thought that it would have been tilted heavily to the light since the dark side took such a hit. Then I feel him; I feel Ben. I try to flow with his force signature but I get blocked. I'm getting so frustrated that I fall out of my meditation.

Kriff!" I shout out loud as I get up and march away from the spot where I was meditating. Everyone turns their heads towards my direction with looks of shock on their faces. Embarrassed, I barely mutter out a "sorry." As I quickly head towards my quarters. I'm starting to drive myself insane thinking he is still here. "He is here, I can feel him, but I know he's not here," I mutter to myself. I leave the Resistance fighters to sweep the base and make sure it is all clear. Once they determine everything is all clear and have locked up all the stormtroopers I took out, they announce it over the mediocre speaker system. As the words filled my ears, I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding. When I lock myself in my quarters and sit down on the edge of the bed. In frustration, I put my head in my hands trying not to cry. "Why?" I say weakly. "Why can I feel him as if he is really there? I know he is gone but why can't I move on? Why did I fall for him? Why did I kiss him? Why did it feel like I had kissed him before?" My thoughts start to become too overwhelming causing me a migraine. I curl up in a ball on my bed as I silently cry, hoping if I just go to sleep, that things will be back to normal when I wake up.

Ben POV:

"I hate seeing her like this," I say looking down at Rey. "I want nothing more than to be there for her, to hold her, to let her know she is not going crazy and that I am really here." I sit down next to her on the small bed. I start rubbing her back till she falls asleep, even though I know she can't feel it I like to think it helped. After some time I turn my head to face the other force ghosts that are in the room with us. "We have to find a way to prove to her that I am really here." I flatly state. "I don't know how much longer I can watch her like this."