Home Is Where The Heart Is

Prologue

I will never forget the place I came from. It will always hold my roots. But the things that happened there, that was a different type of planting. A different type of growth, a different type of understanding. Was I comfortable in my own skin, or making an excuses on why I hide myself by having sex with all of these men? Calling for my mother only to find myself sunk farther in a deep hole that only yells "sink" as the spoon swirls the cup, almost like hypnosis.

Maybe, as I lay here, the answers will come. But all I can think of is why. Why, and what I will wear to work in the morning. As he does whatever he thinks he's doing, I can only ponder and ask myself why. Why do I lie here and take it, keep the chain going as these men tie themselves with me. Each time, my body feels more dirty than the last. But I can't seem to stop. The sex calls my name, even in a whisper. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I knew these men, developed a relationship, some form of knowledge of them other than their names. But no, it's just a meet up, just to fuck. That's how they like it, and I get what I want without any extra hustle.

John. John's like every other typical guy. Thinks just because he's a man there's an obligation that I owe him. John's about 6ft, a nasty beard, reeks of booze, with a beer belly. As I lay there feeling him push in and out, with his heavy huffing and puffing. " You like that, don't you slut?" As he continues to make my stomach twirl in knots, I want to jump out of my skin. It's almost as if I'm watching myself collect his demons along with mine. He goes on for a couple more minutes and then boom, he collapses. I always knew he didn't last longer than five minutes. It became the same routine every Wednesday night. We meet, he fucks, he finishes, and leaves the one hundred and fifty dollars on the desk next to the bed by the bible. He is my only client who comes to my place, but only because of how we met. As he leaves tonight, I turn over and can only start to think of how different my life could've been.