Her Life Is Made Up of Ink

Visiting The Psychiatrist

On one fine day, I was brought to a psychiatrist. Well like any other human, I was a nervous wreck as it was patently my first time visiting someone who knew just the right thing. The atmosphere was quite intense as my parents didn't say a word to me throughout the whole waiting period. The place looked classy and elegant but it was pretty silent as you could have heard a pin drop. Well this whole silent therapy thing lasted from approximately 15 minutes as young and beautiful nurse broke the ice by calling my name saying that the doctor was ready to meet me. I pushed open the glass door which led me into a well organized office. My parents alongside glanced around to see how well structured and designed the place was. 

In the bright and zen like room, sat a tall and studious lady in her mid 40s. She had short pixie like hair with bright blue eyes and rose like skin. She had a warm and welcoming smile. Something about her just hit the vibes and I felt that she is the person that I absolutely wanna talk to. My parents greeted her and I just smiled faintly as my social anxiety started to cover me all over again. She gestured me to sit down on the chair placed next to a glass table. She seemed so elegant as I watched her hand flow like wind. Her blue eyes scanned me from top to bottom to understand what was going on in my head. Her ambience just stopped my head from spinning. Then, she gestured my parents to leave the room which had made it even better for me as I know my mom wouldn't listen or she would just interrupt  the session.

Once my parents left the psychiatrist started with a sweet smile and she asked how I was doing at school.I was a little hesitant and shy to answer but I know that I gotta say something. I muttered "School is good." which was an absolute lie. I could tell that she knew I was tensed and I felt out of place. So she placed a hand on my shoulder and arranged a few word into a sentence that sounded like " You just have to feel free to talk to me and if you want to cure whatever that is sprouting vines within you. Just believe in me and I know trust is a little hard but have some faith in me that I can help you." Those words just comforted me and I finally broke my shell and decided to tell her everything I endured during these tough periods of my life. She listened carefully and took notes of every single thing I said. Well I decided to stop at the point where I only told her about me not having friends but her celestial blue eyes just pierced through my soul. She instantly knew I was hiding something. So she gave me the silent treatment and I was weak so I fell for it and told her about how I was treated at home. She just smiled at me and gave me a lollipop? Well yes, she gave me a lollipop but I liked it because nobody treated me that way and it kinda felt good. My shoulders were relaxed and my mind wasn't going crazy like it was before and that also meant that that the session was over. I can bet you that it actually worked. I felt more zen than ever. 

Afterwards, the psychiatrist told me to stay put in her office as I saw her walking out of the glass door. I was pretty curious to know what was going on the other side of the door. I pinched open the blinds that made a tiny opening which allowed me to see what was going on through the window. I saw the psychiatrist discussing something with my parents. I knew it was something bad instantly when my mom looked shock and my dad just speechless. The psychiatrist brought my parents somewhere else to talk I guess. I closed the blinds and returned to the chair. It was a boring 1 hour wait but I was just looking at how well kept the whole room was. It was so comforting and something about tidy rooms are always soothing and nice for the eyes to see. 

An hour passed and my parents and psychiatrist arrived into the office. My parents had pale faces and the psychiatrist told them that I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was looking at her like is that even a word. She gestured my parents to sit down so that she can give me further information about my problem. The psychiatrist explained to me what schizophrenia was. Schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be  disabling.  Schizophrenia has three phases – prodromal (or beginning), acute (or active) and recovery (or residual). These phases tend to occur in order and cycle throughout the course of the illness. People who develop schizophrenia may have one or many psychotic episodes during their lifetime. Well it was hard for me to take in stuff like that so I just listened to her. She said that I was in the first phase which is prodromal phase. She also told me that I have catatonic schizophrenia. The predominant clinical features seen in the catatonic subtype of schizophrenia involve disturbances in a person's movement. Affected people may exhibit a dramatic reduction in activity, to the point that voluntary movement stops, as in catatonic stupor. When she puffed all of these words in one sentence, I was a little worried. Am I going to die ? She confirmed that I have this problem because of my endless hallucination of the voices and I was very much delusional.

After that brief explanation, she told my parents that this is the result of neglectance which means that my parents  did not support me at any course which was very true by the way and it was also because of the social anxiety and stress issues I had. My parents looked ashamed of themselves. Well it's not their fault that they had me well technically it was as they wanted to have a child. So the psychiatrist told me not to worry about it, we can always control it only if I visit her once every week for a light chit chat session. I was given some pills to cure the hallucination and it would help me work better in public. Well it was all good. I looked at the bright side and set a foot forward to the future.