Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

•18

Although you aren't sure what he wants to hear, you know Akutagawa cares about what your next words are.

Reluctantly, Akutagawa moves towards you as you stand yourself up properly, using all your effort to stand straight and look at him in his silver eyes. Once he's close enough, you place your hand over his heart.

"What are you doing?"

"You do have a heart. I can feel it"

I'm feeling slight déjà vu...

I've said this before, haven't I?

We've been here before, haven't we?

I never changed my mind, although a lot is different.

"You...you're drunk, why am I even talking to you?"

Irked, you take hold of his coat instead and pull yourself and him a little closer.

"Stop putting up so many walls. You wouldn't keep approaching me if you didn't want anything from me, but I don't even think you know what that is anymore"

Akutagawa pushes you away, causing you to almost fall back as you were still feeling unstable from all the drinking.

"I only asked if you meant everything you said"

You can't run anymore, [f/n]. You both can't keep repeating the same fights over and over and expect different results.

You look away, catching the glow of the moon, the shining of the stars pleading to break through the darkness surrounding the two of you.

"I was mad. It doesn't make it any less true. I didn't fight Q because deep down, I wanted to cause pain. I've ignored it for so long, since they locked me up and Mori found me and I met you...all I've felt is neglect like no one would listen. I knew you'd understand, but you never wanted to listen. Sometimes...sometimes it felt different. Like we were on the same level but...it hurt, Akutagawa, to feel..." you get stuck on the word to describe how you feel, but when you look back up to Akutagawa, something about his expression tells you he knows what it is you're trying to say.

"I've done so much since I've gotten most of my memory back to try and make sense of it, but it doesn't. What I feel for you doesn't make any sense. It's like the accident only made me more oblivious to reasoning. I don't have any control anymore...I..."

You pause, a loud noise coming from the bar you had left, glass shattering and people yelling. It was like everything was starting to  mirror the chaos inside you.

"I'm listening" Akutagawa whispers, stepping forward, his low voice reaching your ears despite the increasing noise from the bar.

You shiver, look at Akutagawa up and down, the want to put your hand through his messy, but smooth, dark hair tipped white stronger with the liquor, the want to stay frozen with him in front of you surpassing your dismay with always seemingly hurting each other.

"Would you ever stay?" He asks, doubt still lingering in his question, as if he wasn't sure if he should be asking that.

There is also a sadness to the way he asked it, matching the small lights of the streets illuminating only the sorrow in this broken man's eyes.

For someone with so much pride, Akutagawa had no confidence in his own thoughts and desires. All he knew was how to fight, how to conquer pain, and how to take it out on others the way he's seen his superiors do it all his life.

"Do you actually care about me, or are you just trying to prove something right now?"

Akutagawa coughs before rolling his eyes at you.

"I've ignored what I know happened before I found you out here, in no shape to be going anywhere alone. For an ex-Mafia member, you're extremely careless with yourself now."

What he said earlier...he knows I've done it all because of him. He knows to drive me so low, it was him on my mind.

You blush, trying to push away the panic and annoyance that surged for a moment.

You clear your throat before repeating your question, "Do you actually care about me, or do you think you're just proving something here?"

Without warning, Akutagawa steps even closer, taking your face in his hands with a gentleness you didn't know he had.

He looks your face over, and you practically hear his heartbeat wild with adrenaline as your own heartbeat seems to cease.