A Week With Him

Chapter 15 - Change Of Plan

It was like the world had stopped when I awoke the next morning, I don't even remember falling asleep, and I wish I never woke up. It was four o'clock in the morning when Jeff got up and woke me in the process, I tried going back to sleep, holding my pillow and refusing to face this - but Jeff shook my shoulder gently. "Time to get up Casey,"he said while smiling. I grew stiff, those words took me back to every morning when my mum would wake me up for school, I'd always get that sinking feeling then hide back under the covers and sometimes cry. This was worse than school though, and worse than college. Worse than anything really.

Jeff jumped off the bed and opened up the suitcase he brought for me, he dragged it over to my wardrobe and began folding a few of my favourite outfits for me. "It can get quite chilly in the forest, I'll have to pack most your jackets and cardigans,"Jeff said as he busied himself. I watched sadly from my bed and nodded, he turned to look at me when he didn't hear an answer so I nodded for the second time. He frowned a little. "You still tired? You can go back to sleep for a bit if you want then,"he said. I nodded to that again and flopped my head back down on my pillow, holding back my tears and staring up at the ceiling. I wondered how worried mum and dad would be in just twelve hours from now, my face crumpled up when I pictured how much they'd cry when they find I'm gone. They must be worried right now too, I haven't sent them a message since Jeff confiscated my phone and I heard a knock several times at the front door from Carol yesterday evening, Jeff told me to stay quiet whenever we heard the knock. I think Jeff cut off the home phone line too, there were several rings last night but it stopped abruptly when Jeff left the room for a second.

I saw Jeff pack my toys Emily and Seth in the suitcase before I closed my eyes again, I did want to go back to sleep but it was hard to, my mind was racing with thoughts and my heart felt empty. I sang a song in my head to distract myself, a nursery rhyme because I needed to be soothed. I sang it over and over in my head, squeezing my eyes shut harder and biting the inside of my cheeks whenever I thought Jeff was done, I kept pretending to be asleep so I'd have more time.

I bit my cheeks so hard when I heard Jeff zip up my suitcase and stand, my cheeks felt sore and started bleeding a little but I ignored that. I felt Jeff touch my hair gently, tucking strands behind my ear. He leaned over me and whispered,"I'll drop off your suitcase at home then come back to carry you there, get some sleep in the meantime doll." I felt a bit relieved but cringed from the nickname and kept my eyes closed as I heard him leave the room and lock it behind him, I listened to his footsteps go quickly but carefully downstairs until I lastly heard him open and lock the front door.

My lip trembled when I opened my eyes, I stared around my bedroom, knowing this is the last time I'll see it. Even though it was safe to cry now and I was welcoming tears, none would fall down my face. I've cried too much recently. I sat up in bed, causing my stomach to rumble loudly, Jeff kept forgetting to feed me and I felt a bit faint from it. I wasn't desperate for the toilet so I decided it was safe to walk around my room. I hobbled out of bed which alarmed my bad leg, but I ignored the pain, I didn't care how much it hurt anymore.

I could see a tiny blood stain coming through my baggy jeans so I wanted to wrap a fresh bandage around the wound, but I then noticed the roll of bandages were gone along with the tray of torture tools, leaving only a box of matches behind on my bedside table. I plopped myself down at my makeup table and stared at myself in the mirror, the bruise on my face was still there of course but didn't look as bad as it did a few days ago. It was still ugly though. I thought all of me looked ugly. My eyes looked pitiful and dark rings lurked underneath them from lack of sleep, my skin still looked ill and pale and my smile was gone.

I paced around my room slowly while holding my arms, feeling cold and unsteady. I pulled on one of the cardigans he left behind to keep myself warm, but I wouldn't stop shaking. What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I just have a normal life like before? My face crumpled up again when I remembered, I didn't even have friends like a normal person, I'm not normal. I stared at the bedside table where the tray used to be, I was even considering hurting myself for once, I can't stand this. I slowly trudged back over to my bed, my eyes going a bit wide. I was wanting to die again, I've wished for death so many times this week now. No wonder I don't have any friends, I sound crazy. Was I always like this? My mind was like a cloud of fog right now, I couldn't even remember.