Waiting on Sarah Grace

Make the World Go Away

I really need a cold shower now. Sitting here holding her hand, I want to be holding a lot more. I was excited just to feel her soft thighs on my arms when I picked her up out of this bed, but then to pick her up with only a towel between us, just thinking about it makes my blood speeds up. I know she was embarrassed, and I really hate the nurse had to be a witness. Seeing her sitting in that tub, a small towel covering all that it could, and it couldn't cover much. To see all that beautiful skin, all I wanted was to touch her and keep touching her. I know that helped her to feel better to wash her hair and body, that gorgeous body. This girl is going to be the death of me.

Her aunt said the funeral is in two days. I haven't had a chance to tell her yet. It's supposed to be a typical jazz funeral, with a second line and the whole works. My baby is not going to be able to participate in that part and it will break her heart. If she wants to go, I'll move heaven and hell to make it happen for her. Lizzie will be buried in the family crypt at St. Louis cemetery number two. The service at St. Louis Cathedral, the preist came by a few days ago while she was asleep. No one else was here, so I had a chance to talk to him about a wedding. After I assured him it wasn't anytime soon, he was willing to talk about it. I'm not Catholic, but he said it wasn't a problem. I wonder what my Baptist family would have to say about their oldest marrying an Irish Catholic girl, in a Catholic church. Thinking about my family, I haven't seen them in over a year and it's been about three weeks since I last talked to them, I guess next time I leave the hospital I should call.

Just sitting here watching her, touching her face, I have no idea how I haven't crossed Tank's line in the past two years. If not for this accident, I was coming to New Orleans this month anyway to tell her how I felt. I've loved this girl for so long. I feel my eyes tearing up, my pain for what she's had to suffer, I scrub my eyes real quick. I haven't shed a tear since I've been with Tank and I don't want her to see, she needs to know I will be strong and carry every burden she has. We will get through all of this together. Laying my head back on the bed and holding her hand, I'm just happy to watch her sleep right now.

I feel something touching my hair and it wakes me up. I'm a light sleeper, so it surprises me I didn't sense it before I felt it. I must be really tired. I lift my head and look into the most stunning eyes I've ever seen.

"Hey baby. Was I asleep long?" She shakes her head no and just keeps looking at me. Just staring into each other's eyes, I feel like a chord has just snapped into place. Like I've just connected the last cable and the picture is immaculately clear.

"I love you." Her eyes get bigger and I think I just surprised her.

"Do you really, Alex? I've had a mad crush on you for the past two years and every minute I spent with you; it was so hard to act like you were only my friend."

"Love, you have no idea how hard it has been to hug you and let you go, when all I wanted to do was to never take my hands off of you and to kiss you. To show you how much I love you. To make you completely mine. To never let you leave my side."

This is not the place or the way I wanted to ask her, but I can't wait. I pull the ring box out of my pocket and open it up in front of her.

"Baby, do you understand now? This is not how I wanted to do this, but I love you and want you by my side for the rest of our lives. I know your whole world is upside down right now, and I'm not asking to go straight to the church from the hospital. I can wait as long as you need, and I will be whatever you need me to be right now. I just want you to say you'll marry me and put this ring on your finger, so everyone knows you belong to me. Just say yes, that's all I want for right now."

I didn't even realize I had dropped to both knees and was basically begging her to tell me yes. Holding her hand, I begin to kiss up her fingers and follow a path up her arm as far as I can reach. She gives a subtle nod, yes. I reach for her left hand, sliding the ring on her finger. It fits perfectly on her tiny finger. Thankfully the cast stops before it reaches her knuckles. I kiss her face, her eyes, cheeks, nose, temples, her ear, her neck, all with the intention of working up to her mouth. The first touch of our lips, when she kisses me back, it's electrifying. I kissed her while she was sleeping the other day, but this is not even close. It's all I can do not to wrap her up in my arms, but I need to sit down, before she sees how much I really need her. Sitting on the side of her bed, foreheads resting against each other, staring into her eyes, caressing her face, I know I'm already wrapped around her finger. I kiss her one more time and sit back in the chair, giving me the distance I need right now. I need to tell her about the funeral, but I hate to remind her. It has to be done.