Waiting on Sarah Grace

Life Altered

A scream.  Opening my eyes, it's like looking through rain drops. Everything is blurry and the lights are distorted.  Pain, excruciating.  The whole left side of my body and I can't move. Not like things aren't working, more like my space is too small. My head hurts so bad and I really just want to sleep, but I need to know how I ended up like this. Moving my eyes left, because that's all I can move, the window is shattered and all I see is a menacing shadow.  The shadow growls and if possible, grows even more scary.

"You weren't supposed to be driving! You're supposed to be dead!"

The running footfalls slowly fade into the distance and I feel it's safe to turn away from the dark hole that used to be the driver's side window. I cut my eyes right to look at my mother, her head is covered in blood, her eyes are open and her mouth slack.  I don't want to say anything, because I know that she's not going to answer.

"Mom!" Nothing.  She doesn't move, no movement from her chest, no eye movement, nothing.  With that knowledge, I let the darkness take me. 

There are other voices, telling me to keep my eyes open and stay with them.  I can't right now I need to shut it out.  I need the comfort the darkness can give me at this moment.  All the physical pain and my shattering heart, I want the darkness. The person who has been the most important in my eighteen years is gone.  I close my eyes and escape into the darkness. 

"Miss? Miss? Can you hear me?"

Oh damn!  This pain!  Why can't they leave me in the dark? I hear so many voices, all talking above me.  I don't think I'm under water, but that's how it sounds.  I'm only catching bits and pieces of what they are saying.

"Broken femur....... gonna require surgery....... multiple broken ribs........ probable concussion......"

And on and on it goes and I'm pretty sure all of these injuries apply to me. I feel tears trickling down the side of my face, rolling into my hair.  The memory knocks back into me with enough force, I know the earth just shifted off its axis.  Mom is gone.  I'll never see her smile at me when I win my class in the next horse show.  I feel the sob working up from my chest and it hurts so bad, even more so because of the broken ribs.  The darkness is pressing in again and I don't fight it, I let the darkness take me again.

I try to crack my eyes open and they feel like they're glued shut.  I get them pried open, just a crack, letting a dim sliver of light leak through.  I have tubes in my nose and arm, wires stuck to my chest, a blood pressure cuff on my upper arm, inflating automatically.  I think I still have glass in my face.  My leg feels so heavy, my arm is in a cast, and it hurts to breath.  And my heart, it hurts worse than anything.  My sweet, loving mother, Sarah Elizabeth O'Bryan is gone.  I will never get to hear her and my aunt arguing in French again.  I'll never get to see her charm the liqueur salesman to get a better deal on the premium brands for the family bar in the Quarter.  I wonder how long ago it happened and how long I've been in the dark?  I hear loud voices in the hallway, arguing and my head hurts.  I slip back into the the comfort of the darkness. 

I'm able to open my eyes a little more this time.  The woman sitting in the chair beside my bed looks so much like my mom. 

"Aunt Cat?" My throat hurts so much.  I don't think I swallowed any glass, but it sure feels like it.

"Oh baby! Let me get you some water."

She slowly lifts my head and holds the cup up to my dry, chapped lips.  Relief! As the water glides down my throat, it feels like life being poured back into my body.

"Aunt Cat? How did you get here so fast? It's on been a few hours."

With tears in her eyes she answers me, "no baby."  "It's been two days."

I watch the tear slowly track down her cheek; when she catches me looking, she wipes it away.  She obviously is trying to be brave for me.  I hear the door opening and the noises from the hallway get louder again, but I don't look.  I look directly into aunt Cat's eyes and say in a flat voice, "mom's dead."  Now her tears start.

"My sweet girl."  I look up into his blue eyes, his love shining.  My dad.  I would know that Irish brogue anywhere and it warms me on the inside.  Now the tears start and the sob I have been trying to hold back, breaks free.  I don't even care how bad this is hurting my ribs, my heart hurts more.  He's here with me, leaving his club, the Saints Prophets, to run itself.  I can see someone else in the background, but don't pay attention.  When your dad is a MC president, there is always an entourage.

Taking the hand without the needle, his large, work roughened hand gingerly lifts my hand to his heart.  A gesture that makes my tears run faster.  I know what he's saying, "you have my heart girl" and my tough father lets his tears go.  Looking through my tears, over his shoulders, I don't want his brothers to see him cry; three very large men hover in the background.  My half-brother and the vice presidnet Greaser, Shooter the sergeant at arms and my best friend, and Grit.  I don't know what title Grit holds; he's just always been there.  Giving them a watery smile and looking back at my dad, I begin to get sleepy again and let the darkness take me from my pain.  Going into the darkness this time I know I'm not alone.  I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me and I know these people will be here when I wake up.  Taking comfort in that thought, I let the smile remain on my face and float away.