Family

Arguments

Honestly, why do I even come home? Heather wondered as she stared at the ceiling.

"You're telling me you didn't notice anything?" Karen snarled from the kitchen––downstairs, she might add. Heather could tell from her voice that Karen was attempting to be quiet, but she wasn't doing as good of a job as she probably thought. Her words were a bit muffled, but not enough that Heather was unable to distinguish them.

She had little doubt that Adara could hear her, too. Poor girl.

Heather, of course, couldn't hear her father's reply, but she had a good idea of what he was saying. "She lives with you ten months out of the year"––barring weekends and the occasional holiday––" why didn't you notice anything?" Or "How was I supposed to? She's very private. Half the time, I don't know what's going on in her head!" Or even––

"Don't you dare try to pin this on me! I know how to look after my children––"

Bingo, Heather thought grimly. Destructive argument at its finest.

Deciding she'd had enough, Heather launched herself off her bed and stuck her head out her bedroom door.

"Hey, Mom," she shouted toward the stairs. "You mind toning it down a little?"

She could hear Karen stutter, falling into a shocked silence that lasted a few seconds. And then, in a tentative voice, she said, "Uh, yes. Sorry, honey."

Parents, Heather thought grimly, were never as quiet as they liked to think while fighting. Oh, sure, they tried to "keep it down so as not to wake the kids" (or something to that effect), but very rarely did they accomplish it.

Honestly, why couldn't Karen and Devin have constructive arguments? Why couldn't they actually listen to each other instead of constantly blaming the other and justifying themselves?

Maybe she should ask Lianne if she wouldn't mind Heather crashing at her place. She'd gotten her own place sometime near the end of the school year, and now lived a roommate who was, if Heather remembered correctly, on vacation with her family.

She might even let Adara crash for a while.

Speaking of Adara...

Heather knocked on Adara's bedroom door, smiling a bit at the "Enter if you dare" sign hanging there. Her sister liked to act like she was tough––and she was––but really, when she wanted, she could be the nicest person around.

The door opened with noticeable caution. Upon seeing Heather, relief filtered into Adara's eyes.

"So, you survived the dragon?" she asked, lips twitching. Heather felt her own lips curl up into an answering smile.

"It was a long and bloody battle, but yes. I stand before you victorious." She mimicked a half-hearted bow, reveling in Adara's pretend annoyance as she rolled her eyes.

From downstairs, Karen gave another angry shout. Adara winced, dispelling the lighthearted moment.

Remembering why she'd knocked in the first place, Heather quickly became concerned. "You okay?"

The smile Adara gave her now was sarcastic and heartbreaking. "Other than the fact that I seem to be destroying our family even more than it already was? Yes, I'm great."

Heather sighed. She used her forearm to push Adara out of the way as she entered her room. Once inside, Heather spun around, hands resting on her hips. Realizing that must make her look like a stern mother, she quickly crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Dad and Mom never get along––you know that. They'd be fighting and trying to tear each other no matter what. This isn't your fault."

Adara raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh, really? Because the last time I checked, I was the one who became an addict."

Heather could feel herself deflate of those words. Her arms fell to her side, shoulders lowering as she let out a breath of air.

"You're right," she admitted. "You made a bad decision." Adara smirked as if to say, "See? I told you so."

"But I understand why you did it." Heather continued. "You were under a lot of stress––have been for years. And, much as I love them, our parents aren't always the most observant." Looking down, she added softly, "Neither am I." She looked back up. "We should have noticed sooner and done something to help you."

The fact that Adara could have asked for help remained unspoken between them.

Their parents could have handled this better, though. They could at least try to work together, instead of constantly fighting.

Adara looked down. Heather could see a sheen of tears in her eyes.

"Yeah...maybe you're right."

"I'm your older sister," Heather quipped. "I'm always right."

Adara rolled her eyes. 

Glossary:

Destructive argument: To attack the person, instead of focusing on the problem.

Constructive argument: To focus on the problem, instead of attacking each other.

Citation: 

Deutschendorf, Harvey. "3 Destructive Behaviors We Fall Back On When Arguing and How To Fix Them ." Fast Company, The Science of Work, https://www.fastcompany.com/3024878/3-destructive-behaviors-when-arguing-and-how-to-fix-them.