Never with Me (Book 1)

[8]: Numb

        I got on my hands and knees and crawled to the nearest corner of my room.  Wrapped my arms around my legs, and buried my head into my knees.  Letting the numbness engulf me.  Before I could calm myself down, I felt the black dots invading my sight again, and before I could do anything, I passed out into oblivion.

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[Alex's POV]

        Abby and I were smiling and clapping for Damien and Rachel, when I turned to my sister to smile at her.  But when I looked at her, my hand froze mid-clap, and I watched as a single tear fall down her face.  Her face completely unsmiling, even if she were clapping.  It was as if she were in some sort of shock, and I didn't understand what from. 

        The last year or so, I had been progressively getting more and more worried about her.  She had become more and more introverted, and began spending less and less time with me or anyone from the pack.  She was secluding herself, and I didn't quite understand why.  I knew she must be lonely, having not found her mate yet, while watching almost all her friends and mine become mated.  I just never realized just how sad she really was.  That tear was evidence enough of her grief and I wish there was something I could to to help her.

        I never wanted to see Leilani sad, and more often than not, she was.  Although I saw her smile, and joke around, I knew her well enough to know that they weren't from the heart.  It was as if she were acting at all times of happiness.  But I know that couldn't be true, but I suspected I was right.  It wasn't until tonight, when she came downstairs, had I seen the first gilmpse of true happiness come from her in a very long time.  Her warmth coming back to life.  It wasn't until Damien made his announcement for dinner, did I see a shift from genuine happiness to this act.

        With more and more attacks from the rogues, I had less and less free time to spend with her.  I would have to speak with Damien tomorrow and ask him if I could have a day off to spend with her.  My worrying was at an all time high, and I really needed to make the time to spend with her.  She was after all, the only family I had besides Abby, and I was her only family.

        Abby and I got up to to congratulate Damien and Rachel, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye, Leilani's back retreating towards the back door.  I watched as she paused for a second at the door frame, and looked back over her shoulder towards our table. But she wasn't looking at me, but towards Damien.  And I saw a look of sadness and longing pass over her face, before she turned her head back around and walked into the house. 

        I promised her then and there, that I would do everything in my power to find her the happiness she hadn't been granted yet.  I would give almost anything, to see a smile on her face, that actually reached her eyes.

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[Damien's POV]

        Pack members were currently surrounding Rachel and I, offering up greetings and congratulations.  Some of them telling Rachel it was about time she made an honest man out of me.  She just smiled sweetly, and emitted a short laugh at their teasing comments.  She tip-toed up, and placed her lips next to my ear.

"Baby, his breath is horrendous. And did you see that dress his mate wore?" She said, with a false smile on her lips to disguise her discomfort.

        As much as I loved Rachel, and I did.  The one quirk I thoroughly disliked was her tendency to be judgmental.  She had a sweet nature about herself with me, but from time to time in the last five years, I had been privy to some of her more scathing comments when we alone in the privacy of our bedroom.  She would rant and rave, throwing out various snide insults when upset.  But then apologize for her outburst, and weep softly in my arms.  I always forgave her for her tantrums.  I knew the pressure she was under being with me.  But, it was taxing at times.

        As I was leaning down my head to hear what she had just said, I noticed Leilani at the back door.  Her eyes locking with mine yet again.  For a second, I smiled to myself.  For a second, I allowed my walls down, and took in her beauty.  And in that second, I noticed the slight frown on her face, a bead of sweat falling from her forehead, and deep seeded sorrow in the depths of her eyes.  I watched as an abyss of devastation pooled in the vortex of her pupils, before vanishing and becoming blank.   She turned away then, and walked inside.  Walked away from me, as I had walked away from her.

        After a few more minutes, I heard a gut-wrenching howl of a pained wolf, as if it were in the feats of dying at that very moment.  I looked around to furrowing my brows together, trying to find out where it had come from.  When I noticed no one else had heard it, I turned to Rachel and Alex.

"Did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?" They both said almost at the same time.

"Oh nothing, guess it was my imagination."