F***in' Arizona

Straight from the Horse's Mouth Pt. 5 (Chapter 22.2)

I don't dare attempt to say the things I currently want to release from my mouth so I just mentally agree that I will get my revenge on them later.

"So, what did ya'll chat about after your father left? She's such a sweet, intellectual and lovely girl. We've had her over for dinner a couple of times and she's good company. Really polite, respectable, and knows how to hold an interesting conversation," my mom says now also invested.

I can't help but instantly roll my eyes. Since when was everyone wanting to be all in my romantic life? This was literally my first time meeting the girl and they're acting like the next step is to ask for her hand in marriage.

"Eww mom, you and dad had her for dinner? That's cannibalism," Georgia says cringing, but joking.

"Oh, hush child. Ya'll knew exactly what I meant," my mom says swatting Georgia with a dish towel.

My dad comes out from the kitchen with a late-night snack consisting of a thick slice of homemade Sock-It-To-Me cake and a lofty glass of milk.

"So, since you two hit it off so well, when is your next date?" He asks, stuffing a piece of the cake into his never ending jabbering mouth.

"Well, considering today wasn't a date AT ALL, there will be no "next date"."

"Waa!" Dakota says faking shock.

"But you guys look so cute together! I can already picture the model looking nieces and nephews running around in the backyard," Montana says sadly.

"After all the work I went through to set up a blind date for you two? Why aren't you going on a date? She seems picture-perfect for you son. You never talk about any girls from school, or even any girls at all for that matter. Not since Blaire. What's wrong with you, boy?" My dad asks staring at me suspiciously.

In fact, they were all staring at me waiting for a response. A response I really didn't have for them. What was I gonna say? "I'M GAY! STOP HOUNDING ME!" "I DON'T LIKE PUSSY, I SUCK DICK! I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN A VAGINA IN REAL LIFE EXCEPT GEORGIA'S WHEN SHE WAS A TODDLER WHEN WE WOULD TAKE BATHS TOGETHER!"

Yeah, I'll just say those things.

"I can't go out with Emmie because...because I already have a girlfriend!" I finally blurt.

A girlfriend? Arizona, dude, what the actual fuck!? We've already used this lie! Abort right now you fool!

My brain was right; I needed to abort this mission before it goes up in flames.

"You have a girlfriend?!" Dakota asked being the first to show his astonishment, eyebrows furrowed.

"Since when?!" Georgia shrieks.

"Why was I not told??" My mom says like it really would've been her business.

"Yee! Closer to having nieces and nephews!" Montana says.
She must be having baby fever.

"Well, that's great son! I sure wish I would've known so I wouldn't have put you in an embarrassing situation with Emmie. Who is the lucky lady that you get to call girlfriend?" My dad asks excitedly on the edge of the couch where he is perched at full attention. Half drunk milk and napkin with lone crumbs, sitting on the table, neglected now.

My eyes dart around the room from one family member to the next till I run out of faces to land on. What name am I even gonna use? I can't very well use Blaire again. Especially not without her consent. And I know that I can't just yank a random name out of my ass for fear that they may one day want to meet this "special girl". Fuck, what am I gonna do?

Maybe I can take this opening to finally tell them what's really going on? I've got everyone's attention and they would listen. The reactions, however, are what I dread. Would they still love me the same even though my significant others are male rather than female?

Should I do it? When will I be able to get another chance like this with everyone gathered around? Soon enough everyone will be going their respective ways again to resume their everyday lives and routines.

Maybe I should do this now. It's now or never. Ok, not really "never". I'm sure I'll have another opportunity, but I could do this now and finally get it off my chest and possibly breathe better and deal with the consequences instead of putting it off for another ten years.

Ok, I've decided. I'll finally release this haunting secret to my family. I love them and they will continue to love me too.

I'll count to three and then say it. I've been in my head far too long.

3...2...1

"Guys. I'mdatingNova," I say all at once.

Where the fuck did that come from?! That's nowhere what I was gonna say! Arizona!

"Come again? Speak clearly Ari," my dad says looking at me puzzled.

"I'm dating Nova. My best friend."