Attention

miracle

i had just gotten from the doctor with my mama she was tired and worn down i sat at the edge of her bed i was tired and stressed and watching her basically die every day in front of me after ive seen her at her best my father said he  would be flying back out here to see her but the way things are looking she doesnt look like she was going to make it any longer than a week and i had to mentally prepare myself for this shit because i wasnt ready i had just got royal back i couldnt take to much more

"baby mama tired i fought until royal came home but im tired i dont know how much longer i have but i know its not long"

"but what about my wedding" my voice cracked

"imma always be there baby if not physically spiritually" she gave me a weak smile

"i cant let you leave me we got this you can fight this"

"and thats what i been doing but look im really tired baby that  cemo has wore me out bring royal in here in like a hour to wake me up i need to eat something" my mama told me

"yes ma'am" i replied kissing her cheek i cut her lamp light on and her radio and closed her door slowly i walked in the living room playing with royal who was over joyed by the smallest thing that dave did he truly admired his father i can tell you that

dave  look up at me with the face of concern i know he was about to ask questions that i had no answers to so before he could i walked away i didnt want to have that conversation right now i got on the phone with the insurance people and everything regarding my mother home going and getting everything in line i hung up the phone seeing tay at the door with sad eyes

"so how are you" she mumbled

"im good just got off the phone with mama insurance people making sure their on standby you know" i shurgged

"you look so tired miracle you need to rest properly" she nudged me

"no you dont you be on the phone with insurance people funeral directors back and forward to the hospital being  overprotective of royal trying to keep up with dee still havent properly dealt with dino death you really need to slow down and breath you know" she reassured me

"i said im fine" i snapped

"no your not your walking around like a fucking zombie" she snapped back

"okay thats my way of coping you want me to go back to drinking or leaving" i shouted

"no i want you to calm down and listen to me"

"NOTHING I EVER DO IS GOOD ENOUGH I CANT TAKE A DRINK TO SETTLE MY ISSUES I CANT LEAVE I CANT BE SILENT WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO TO PREVENT ME FROM HAVING  A MENTAL BREAK DOWN HUH KEEPING MY SELF BUSY HAS BEEN DOING JUST FINE FOR ME NOW LOOK AT YOU TELLING ME IM DOING THAT WRONG SOME TIMES PEOPLE JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE IN THEIR OWN FUCKING THOUGHTS" I SCREAMED

"NO PEOPLE DONT THAT IS USUALLY A SIGN OF DEPRESSION"

"WHO DIED AND MADE YOU DR PHILL" I SCUFFED

"you need help im just trying to get you some help and be there for you"

"your one to talk sense your pregnant by the very man that cheated in you and now your kid and his mistress  kid are siblings that cant be good for you maybe you need help" i challenged her she got quiet

"how did you find out"

"one of the things i do to keep my self busy is cleaning dumping trash i seen the pregnancy test ive heard you running to the bathroom so the question is when are you going to tell him" i questioned