FOR THE UNKNOWN KINGDOM | BOOK 1

CHAPTER 35

I was Velian Terrashine. I was Velian Terrashine. I repeated it enough times to myself just to make sure that he hadn't managed to control my mind. He didn't need to know that.

It was an effort not to flinch at the realization that I was going to that room by my own will. I couldn't do anything else; I couldn't run away. Because if I did, he would understand that I wasn't his slave anymore. And I wouldn't have informed all the others about the possibility of salvation. So I kept my head low, sporadically letting my attention slid to the cells we were passing from. They were all void of people and I was sure they were now being tortured into some other room, on another floor.

I didn't get to observe anything else. I was only preparing myself for the things I would face in that room. I was only silently congratulating myself for being free.

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Vanensera was here today and that alone was somehow comforting.

Even though my mind could take me to places of euphoric beauty and times of unrelenting nostalgia, it couldn't always be controlled. I'd figured that the hard way when I'd been absentmindedly trying to think of something other than the sensation of my body being touched in places and ways I didn't want it to be touched by anyone, not even by some future lover.

When I'd been shackled to the bed, thankfully without the collar around my neck this time, every sacred drop of determination had been drained and I couldn't focus on anything else but the present moment.

In other times, I would have been grateful for that. But now, it was heartbreaking. There had been days when I couldn't even take my legs and crawl back to Ian's room. I knew that today would be one of them. Without being allowed to close my eyes, my reflection on the ceiling was the only thing I could see. And it was distressing and bewildering and wrong. The red-eyed man today was silent, as if he was bored of this mindless, pointless, cruel interaction, as well. His hands in my hair were just limply hanging there, his body moving way too slowly.

As for me, I tried not to make a sudden move since that would have my wrists bleeding. The muscles of my body were so tense that I couldn't even attempt to shake my legs. Sleeping on the floor had started taking a toll on me and combined with the fact that I was alert every moment of the day, everything became worse.

"It's over," he murmured as he unshackled my hands and got off me. Wreathed in exhaustion, I rolled my shoulders, then stretched my legs.

I didn't know how someone could endure this for eternity and beyond, how could someone not forfeit their sense of self in this messed up world. I knew I needed to be petulant, thinking about the next thing and then the next, never letting myself rest. But when the red-eyed man disappeared from my eyesight, I put my palms over my face, letting them rest there until I could see nothing but darkness.

Yet I knew that I couldn't let myself fall into that dungeon of self-pity and sadness.

Someone nudged me in my shoulder, and I almost jolted.

"Let's go." Vanensera's voice was low, trembling. With a long sigh, I opened my eyes and found her next to me, battered and teared. Her long black hair made contrast with her pale skin, her fiery black eyes now darker than a starless night. I'd never seen her like that.

Straightening, I took a deep breath and stood up. A sensation of dizziness crept into my bones as I tried to steady myself.

"I-I need you to tell you something," I whispered, my voice lower than usual, something that caught her attention.

Making sure that the corridor was empty of people, I closed the iron door behind me.

I stared at her face for a long minute. Sizing her up, I tried to find the right words to explain to her what I'd discovered; I tried to weave together the perfect sentence that would make her believe me, or at least not laugh at me and think that I was insane.

"I know you probably want to leave this room as quickly as possible, but please---" I said, pausing at the silent tears that streamed down her cheeks. "There is something you need to know."

I'd never expected to see her like that, so defenseless, so small. She always walked around the rooms with confidence, talking to everyone, drinking ale, laughing. I'd thought she wasn't affected by anything and anyone. I'd been wrong.

"We can break free of their control."

That sentence alone was enough to create a wave of confusion in her eyes.

I studied her a little longer, then continued, "I-I tried it today. When that masked man came to take me from my room and bring me here, I forced myself to completely ignore him. I thought of other things, of memories of my life in my hometown and . . . He didn't control me. I pretended he did, because he didn't need to know the truth and I know . . . I know that you won't believe me, and I can't even bring myself to believe it but---"

She whipped her head from the floor to me, eyes full of surprise. I just took a steadying breath.

"I have the suspicion that if you make yourself think of something else other than your fear for those masked men, if you try hard enough to dive into your wildest dreams and most mesmerizing memories, then they won't be able to control you and bring you here. If we all manage to do that, if we fight back, I don't know . . . maybe something could change for the better."

I waited for the dismissal. It never came.

"I hope you're not lying," she only said, wiping her tears.

"I'm not."

"Then---then I'll try it tomorrow and see how it goes."

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