F***in' Arizona

Bitch, You Thought! (Chapter 21.2)

My parents are my parents. Every time I go back home, it's nothing but girls being thrown at me. My dad is always trying to introduce me to one of his cop friend's daughters or be my wingman.
He's very traditional. As in, a husband and wife, and at least two kids; the man being the main breadwinner and head of home. Wife being the caretaker and the one who mainly raises the kids and takes care of the house.

He doesn't mind my mom having a job though because he knows how much my mom loves being a teacher. This one time recently, he even tried to introduce me to the new neighbor. Oof, that one was a bad one."

"Why was it bad?"

"Well, we were having a cookout one sunny afternoon with a bunch of family and friends over, right.
Blaire and her family were there too. Which, by the way, my mom kept asking us both questions on when we were getting back together. Pretty sure Blaire was super uncomfortable. Anyway, after she helped me successfully curve and distract my mother, in walks this emerald-eyed blonde cutie I've never seen before.

I'm just looking at this girl like, uh, pretty sure she's not in the right place. Looks like I'm the only one who has noticed this mysterious intruder, so I make my way over to her to help her save face.
I inform her that she's in the wrong backyard and tell her that there is a house down the street that is also having a party and she is probably supposed to be there. This girl just looks at me confused and tells me she's in the correct place. I'm like, no sorry, none of us recognize you so you're in the wrong place."

I laugh at Ari's bluntness towards the girl as he continues with the story.

"Insert my dad here who walks over from stage left, eagerly greeting this stranger. Is she a long-lost cousin I've never met before? One of my dad's cop friend's daughters? Shit, a mistress?? Who the fuck is this girl?
Turns out my parents had a new neighbor and they invited the girl over to try and make friends and get to know me. My dad had set me up on a blind date with this girl and had failed to mention it to me because his old ass brain is failing."

Ari rolled his eyes and rubbed them like just the memory of this event pained him.

"So, then what?" I asked, now invested.

"I apologized to the girl, Emmie, and informed her that my dad must've forgotten to mention to me that I should've been expecting someone.
She was understanding and nice about it and actually turns out is kinda cool. Funny enough, she proposed that the two of us go out on an actual "expected" date."

"Oof."

"Trust me, I know. I felt bad for her. After my dad walked off to entertain more guests and check on the food, and no one was within earshot, I apologized to her again and broke the news to her that I was actually gay and no one there knew yet.

Needless to say, she was fairly shocked and a little embarrassed which I told her not to be. She told me she would keep my secret though.

After the whole shindig and everyone was gone, my family and I went back inside the house to finish cleaning up and my mom asked me how the whole ordeal went with Emmie. And I uh..."

Ari paused again.

I almost hit him again so he would continue with the story because it sounded like it was just getting good.

By this time, it wasn't as many people in the park anymore. The air wasn't as cool but rather a warmer heat started to move in like an unwanted roommate.

Bruce, from boredom, had fallen asleep under the table, and it looked like the sandwich man was moving to a different side of the park and the ice cream/ gelato man was moving in to usurp his vacant spot.