Do Me?

*Gamble*

I approached Joong who had his back on me. I don't know how to start the conversation with him.

I silently sat on the bed and contemplated. I was waiting for him to speak but he didn't acknowledge my presence. He kept his back on me but I can see him take several deep breaths.

I decided to lie down beside him and hug him from behind. "Are you upset?" I asked him "You haven't even let me finish what I was saying."

He still wasn't speaking but I felt him thumb my hand. It's a good sign, I guess.

"I am saying I am sorry because I can't reciprocate the feeling as of the moment. The way you said things tonight made me feel guilty that I can't reciprocate your feelings." I took a deep breath because the next thing that I am about to say will hurt him "A part of me does not want to believe your words too."

Joong was so quick turning to face me that it startled me a little. "Do you really think I would hurt you?" he asked. 

"As my friend, I would say no but as a lover?" I saw him watch me intently "I have watched you from the sidelines and I know how you played guys." I answered truthfully.

I see how Joong furrowed  his brows in thought. I am not sure what is going through his head at the moment and I think that I really don't want to know. 

"I know I need to prove myself to you, I know I don't have great track record but as your best friend, can you trust me that I am not here to hurt you?" Joong looked at me, his eyes pleading. I am slowly understanding what people are seeing in him on why they are falling for him so hard so fast.

"Time will tell, I guess." I then turned to look at the stars above us "But Joong, what if I fall in love with someone else?" I waited for his answer as I hold my breath.

I heard him sigh beside me and felt him lie on his back to look at the stars as well "If you do, I'm going to cry." he whispered, it was almost inaudible.

"And the things between us will be different." I said. "And that is what I am really worried about. It's not if I fall for someone else or you do but I want to lose the friendship that we have." I felt him hold my hand "You have been my best friend all my life and we are now in a predicament wherein we are gambling on something and I might just lose the best thing in my life." I adjusted my self so I can face him "If I lose you as a best friend and as a lover at the same time, it would really devastate me. I don't want that."

"Yes, I completely understand." I looked at him as he answered "But this feeling in my heart tells me to risk it because something is telling me that you are worth it." Joong's grip on my hand tightened a little "I know that you feel something for me too, I felt it and it would be a lie if you tell me that there is nothing."

"I am not saying that there isn't, that is why I asked you to give me time to figure this out." I answered. "Because the moment our lips touched on the field, I yearned to kiss your lips again." 

Okay, maybe that slipped out unintentionally. I am mentally doing a facepalm.

"So you wanted to kiss me all along?" Joong teased "So that night we were drunk, it wasn't just me who wanted what happened?" The twinkle in his eyes are back, the one that disappeared earlier.

"I was hard right?!" I stifled a laugh.

"You were." Joong let out a laugh. Finally, a positive turn with his mood. "But..."

"But?" 

Joong tucked my hair behind my ear and he started to slowly thumb my face. "Can I at least kiss you tonight?" he asked. 

I dare not look at him, he might see me blush "What is stopping you?" I asked.