*Blair Verona Davies*
"Shawn?" I called him when we were going to breakfast. My aunt and uncle had already gone to work. "Yeah?" he replied while started eating eggs. "Why do you think I would be good company for Emma's cousin?" I asked and ate a piece of egg.
''You are friendly." he shrugged.
Disappointed with the response I recently stayed quiet for some time. Shawn's phone started to ring and he answered the call. ''Yes?'' he said in the phone. ''No problem. We can do it this way.'' he laughed.
"Yes, she agreed, even though I had to convince her." he said, and I knew that he spoke about me. I rounded with my eyes and quickly ate breakfast until the last piece. I stood up and quickly wash dishes on hands and went to my room after it. I sat on the bed and took the phone.
'Hello Lola, where are you?' I wrote a message to my best friend.
She lived nearby and was the same age. Lola loves to dance hip hop and one of hers biggest wishes is that she would dance on the world famous stages with her best friend. She still insist that I should join her by the dancing, but that's not for me.
I prefer singing, but unfortunately it sounds terrible.
Phone whistled: "Hi Blair! I just finished with the dance exercises. What do you want me to?' she replied.
'Could we meet? I need a talk.' I answered and feel like a driven cat. Mentally I was completely worn. The phone - which I still have in my hands - whistled.
'Of course! In 15 minutes in the park? 'it was written. 'Yes.' I briefly wrote off. Although I did not expect the response I received it: 'Okay.'. I sighed and went to the bathroom. I posed in front of the mirror and looked at myself.
I look like i feel. Horrible.
As usually, I currently wear sweater with long sleeves. On both hands I pulled up my sleeves and on my wrists I saw a few days old scars. 'If Lola and Shawn knew what I was doing they would kill me.' I thought and tried conserve the tear in my eye.
They were still 'burning', but it was bearable. I breathe in the air and pulled my sleeves back down. For few times I've gone through my hair with my fingers and then gone back to my room. I took the phone and went downstairs.
"Wait!" called my brother. I stopped and turned around. ''For the evening ... There's a change of the plan. Emma asked if we could go for a walk in the park.'' he said. I nodded and finally left.
After a few minutes of walking a little faster, I finally came to the place. I leaned on the fence and took few deep breaths. I checked the surrounding area and soon saw Lola. She came closer and we hugged.
"I missed you." she told me and released me. "I missed you too." I replied. I smiled and signaled with my hand in the park. I returned her smile and slowly entered. The park was great and wonderful. It had couple of cafes and playgrounds for football, volleyball and basketball weren't missing.
"Start talking." she said, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. "Yesterday Shawn convinced me to go with him, his crush Emma and her cousin for dinner, which is now changed for a walk." I said. "What's so wrong with that?" she asked.
"It is intended as a date Lola!" I screamed and obtain the views of the two grandmothers, who sat on a nearby bench. She nodded. "Maybe it's better if you find new friends. Don't get me wrong, but whether would not be good to have some new friends?" she asked.
I looked at her and thought her words. "Just friendships?" I wanted to make sure. "Yes, for now." she smiled and I smiled back. With Lola, I could always talk honestly. She and Shawn are the only one that were holding me up. Without them I wouldn't really be over.
"What's his name?" Lola interrupted my thinking. "Hm? Who's?" I replied with a question. "The boy you will meet." she replied. "I won't meet him, at least not in that sense. And I don't know what his name is." I replied.
"You don't know? Well how does he looks?" she asked in surprise. "I don't know." I repeat. "Again? Do you know anything?" she said with a laugh. ''Not really." I told smiling.
''So, you're trying to tell me that you brother wants you to go on a date with a stranger? What kind of a brother is he?'' she asked, and have those sparkling eyes, which I believe that the fault is Shawn's mention.
"A brother confused by love?" I asked. "Yeah!" she replied with a laugh again. "Lola?" I called her even though I already had all attention. "Yes?" she asked and looked at me.
"From when do you have feelings for Shawn?" I asked her. "Since never." she replied. "Don't lie to me." I got her on a lie and laughed. "For a long time." she seriously acknowledged. She looked away and I knew she didn't want to continue.
"You know that you can tell me everything." I remembered her. "I know, but Shawn is your brother." she said still staring away. "Would we sit on this bench?" I asked when I finally saw an empty bench. She nodded and we sat down.
"So what?" I continued the conversation. "So what?" I continued the conversation. ''You will tell him.'' she said. ''I will be quiet.'' I quickly replied.
"You promise?" she asked.
"I promise." I promised her.
She smiled and hugged me.
"Can you imagine? Me and Shawn together?" she asked in a better mood. "No. I never thought about it. You two would probably look nice together." I argued and hoped that I'm not lying. She smiled.
"Do you think he likes me?" she asked. "I don't know. Any girl who he brought was different." I told the truth. She nodded. "I still can hope." she said and smiled with the pain in her eyes. I looked at my phone and saw that it was already late.
"You should go, right?" she found out. I nodded with a smile and we stand up. We walked to the direction we came in. We talked a little about Emma's cousin and then said goodbye. I slowly walked home.
"You came, finally. I thought you'll never show up." said Shawn after I entered. ''I was with Lola.'' I told him. He nodded and then continued with watching TV. I went into my room and looked at the clock.
'Five, already?' I thought when I saw the numbers on phone screen. I sighed and took few deep breaths. I want to breath in and exhale the air.
So at least I know that I'm still alive.
And with this I also clear my mind and it helps me by focusing on some things. I stepped in front of the closet and opened it. What should I wear? I examined twice the full closet and in the end decided for jeans and a top.
With this I'll wear a jacket and some bracelets to cover scars on both wrists. Although I still had some time, I immediately change into this. I didn't want to lose time.