Weak [BNHA Fanfiction]

Chapter 13

trigger warning

Ojiro and Charlie had entered the classroom together, chatting cheerfully about how Ojiro started learning martial arts. His father had simply signed him up for lessons on a whim and he fell in love with the sport. He had briefly gone competitive in middle school but decided to focus on training with his tail to become a hero instead. He still went to his old dojo on weekend and offered to bring Charlie along some time. She excitedly accepted.

Todoroki was already in the classroom when they had arrived, flipping through an English textbook. He sent a nod their way before going back to reading.

Charlie, despite feeling lighter, still felt a bite in her stomach. She excused herself from the conversation as others joined and sat in her seat, scrolling through her phone without purpose.

The day passed rather quickly. She sat through all her classes without really participating, ate lunch with her friends and an air of indifference, and was the first one out the classroom door at the end of the day. She went through her afternoon routine lethargically, cutting her run shorter than usual and grabbing something from the convenience store for dinner. She skipped out on going to Nemuri's house and locked herself in her room to study instead.

Charlie was now sitting on the floor in her room, laundry she had been folding sitting in front of her as she mindlessly rocked back and forth. The anxiety that had been nipping at her thoughts all day finally took over. She was in a daze, weighing the pros and cons of giving in to her cravings.

The cons were Nemuri being disappointed if she found out, her classmates being disgusted by her if they saw, the pain, and the leaks she'd have to be wary of for the next while.

The pros were... nothing, really. She just wanted to.

Charlie didn't really understand why she did this to herself. It wasn't for attention since she was terrified of people finding out. It wasn't because she liked the pain. Sometimes she wanted to boil it down to her quirk, her mum, or maybe even mental illness. But that didn't quite justify it.

She just liked the release it gave her–it was an outlet for all the tension built up in the chest and her head. She liked seeing a physical representation of her inner turmoil. As if the thin red lines on her arms and the dots of blood somehow legitimized the emotional pain she felt.

Charlie's heartbeat quickened when she glanced at the bottom drawer of her desk. She had thrown out all the pencil sharpeners she had taken apart but rationalized keeping a pair of scissors in her room. That was apparently a mistake.

She had been feeling better after the lesson with Ojiro but settled back into her depressed and anxious mood once the sun had set.

"Just today." One half of herself begged the other. "It's not like you've been clean that long, it's been five days, what's the big deal? You'll quit after this."

Charlie wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them into her chest and attempting to control her breathing. Was she having a panic attack? Why? Did she have an anxiety disorder? Was there more wrong with her than just her quirk? Was she depressed? Is that why she had such bad habits? Anxiety, depression, and a haywire quirk?

Charlie suddenly thought back to the hallucinations she got when she had overused her quirk during the USJ attack. The uninvited image intruding inside her head and causing her body to shudder uncontrollably, her breath becoming erratic. She tried to focus on her breathing to calm it down. Charlie took slower and deeper breaths but that only seemed to make it worse. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe. A wave a dizziness hit her and she went back to hyperventilating as her vision tilted sideways. She burst into tears.

Charlie was panicking and there was only one thing she knew would make her feel better. She crawled towards her drawer.

Nemuri had stayed true to her promise of booking Charlie an appointment with UA's guidance counsellor, Hound Dog.

That morning Charlie had awoken on the floor, vaguely remembering making the conscious decision not to crawl into bed, only pulling the blankets onto the floor and curling up on her rug. Her eyes were a little swollen from the cry session she had treated herself to, but it wasn't anything a chilly shower couldn't fix.

Hound Dog, a tall and slightly intimidating looking man-dog mix, shut his office door after letting Charlie in. "Tea?"

Charlie shrugged, giving him a nod before settling in to one of the cushiony seats. "Sure."

He set a steaming cup of green tea on the coffee table in front of her before sitting in the seat adjacent to her's. "So, Midnight booked this appointment so that we could talk for a bit. Today I just want to get to know you a bit though. I don't think we've met before.

Charlie nodded absentmindedly.

"Would you like to tell me about yourself?"

Charlie did not want to be there. It was lunch, her friends were sure to have questions about why she had not come to the dining hall with them.

She just shrugged apathetically, not sure what to tell him.

"What's your favourite food?"

"Sashimi."

"Nothing beats a good steak for me. Favourite colour?"

"I like dark green."

"Me too, I love any shade of green. Except for neon." Ryo scrunched up her snout, earning a small smile from Charlie. "What do you like to do in your free time?"

"I like studying, baking, going for runs, and watching movies with Nemuri." Charlie lit up a little.

"I see, I don't really like running but I love going on hikes on the weekends." He watched as her short-lived smile slipped off her face.

"I used to go hiking with my mum all the time when I lived in America." She seemed to force a smile onto her face. Skirting around the topic she took the initiative to change it, "How long have you worked at UA?"

The rest of the session continued similarly–superficial questions and fast topic changes whenever they neared Charlie's family, quirk, or mental health. Their appointment ended halfway through lunch with Charlie reluctantly agreeing to come again next week to talk again and leaving an untouched cup of tea on the table as she left to grab something quick for lunch.

Hound Dog sat down at his desk, pulling Charlie's file from his drawer and glancing over it again. Nemuri had informed him of Charlie's self injury and hyperactive quirk, and he had read about her family history and hospitalization, but he wanted to get her to open up enough to tell him about it herself. He'd just have to be patient.

In his years as the UA guidance counsellor, he'd come across a couple messed up cases. Abusive parents, severe mental illnesses, even bullying happened at UA, despite how perfect of an image the school projected. Charlie had evidently been through a lot over the years, Ryo could see that even without the background information.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, already exhausted.