I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm scared. Scared of rejection. But at the same time, I want to get it off my chest. The same heavy chest I've been having since 10 years ago.
Yes, I've loved her for 10 years now. And I don't want to give up on her yet. It makes me feel like these 10 years are a waste.
Back when I was still 8 years old, I used to sit behind Kim minju because the teacher said so and you know I was just a kid back then, I need to obey the teachers no matter what. At least that's what my parents taught me.
We were having a lunch break at that time and everyone was rushing to the cafeteria to buy food for themselves except for a certain someone I know that was sitting in front of me. She was only looking outside through the window.
Why isn't she eating like everyone else? That's what my 8 years old self thought. "Minju... Aren't you eating?" I got the courage to walk over to her and ask. She looked up to me slightly flinch when she heard my voice.
"I don't have any food nor enough money to buy one," she lays her head on top of her desk with her eyes closed answering my question.
"Is that so? Wait a sec," I dash out from her desk and ran towards mine instead quickly taking out the sandwiches that my mom prepared this morning. Luckily she made 2 instead of one. That way I can give one of these to the hungry Minju.
"Here, have one of these instead. My mom made 2 so I'm giving one to you. You should eat it. It's not good for someone to starve herself. You could get sick you know," I hand out the sandwich to her.
"Thank you, Chaewonie," she gladly accepts the food without complaints with a bright smile on her face. With that bright smile of hers which shine as bright as the sun, she stole my heart away.
After that, we talked for a little bit while enjoying the food and getting to know each other more. Come to think of it, that was actually the only time I got to talk to her.
But I will never forget the smile she gave since then.
My birthday is in 2 days... My parents keep on talking about it. Curious about whom I'm getting married with. Expecting a nice and lovely person.
When the message from the government arrives, I'll have to marry the person they assigned me to. Then I'm not allowed to love someone else. sigh. I don't want all of this. The only person I would like to get married to is Minju...
It's been quite a long time since I liked you and till this day I can't believe how long the love I have for you lasts. I think about you all day long even when I lie down on my bed like this, or when I walk home while listening to music after school, you always appear in my mind.
Sometimes I would act out a scenario in my head. It is like the one and only movie that's made by my heart and the only way I can get lost in my imagination.
It's a special kind of movie where there is only one character who is able to play out the role and that is you. If i could give a name to this piece, I would call it "One Side Love" cause isn't that what I'm going through right now?
Honestly, I don't mind if you don't know about my feelings forever. It's just that I'm scared that I will regret not telling you sooner. My friends keep on saying the words "confess to her" to me to the point where I feel like those words become a routine for me to hear.
It's okay if you don't know my name or anything about me. I just want you to at least know that I exist in this world. And that's fine to me. Just by looking at your attractive eyes, odd gestures, and the way your voice sounds like when you talk or laugh is enough to make me feel soft.
The tickling wind that you bring is enough for me to feel as if I'm fully filled with energy. The smell of your perfume is like the cherry blossoms trees during spring time. The only person who puts my smile up when I feel down.
My friends pushing me back saying that it's time for me to get near you and tell you how I feel makes me feel uncomfortable. I want to enjoy it even if I will only watch you from afar.
I don't want to worry about these whole arranged marriage things but I don't want to marry someone I don't love nor even meet them, and love someone else which I'm not supposed to.
Maybe they're right. Maybe I should tell you how I really feel. Fuck the "wait till you're ready" because I know it will only take me forever until then.
I'll get my notice in 2 days. I only have 1 day which is tomorrow to be truthful to my feelings towards you. I'll tell you how I feel tomorrow. No matter what.
The next morning came and as I expected, I saw Minju sitting at her desk reading a novel looking extremely gorgeous. Like how?! As I was planning to do, I came up to her tapping her left shoulder lightly trying to get her attention.
"M-Minju... Do you have a moment. I have something to say," my heart is beating like there's no tomorrow I can feel it. "Sure thing. What is it?" Slightly raising her eyebrow as if showing me the sign to continue.
"You probably don't remember me but.... We used to go to the same school when we were entering elementary school. I'm Kim Chaewon if you're wondering. I'm here to ask-"
What should I do?! What should I say?! The words aren't coming out! "What is it that you wanna ask?" At this point she might think I'm wasting her time. Should I say it or should I not?
Whatever! It's a once in a lifetime and I don't want to regret it later on. "Are you free tomorrow after school at 5 pm? I would like to see you at the park near our school." There. I've said it. Good job Kim chaewon. I'm proud of you.
"I'm not sure yet. But I'll see if I can come or not," she shows off the same smile that always manages to make my heart flutters every time.
"I'll be waiting then."
