Desired Fate

Chapter Fourteen

"Has that ever happened to you before? Do you have anxiety, Ro?" Concern laced Aidan's voice. 

"Yes and yes, although it's not happened for a long time," I replied now shuffling my body so it was turned slightly into Aidan's direction as he once again took my smaller hands into his larger ones. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I snapped at you," Aidan apologised, with his eyes towards the floor in avoidance. 

"It's not your fault," I tried to offer some comfort, but the fact he thought my panic attack was his fault made me feel even worse.

 "Aidan, I wasn't looking at you with pity or sorrow. You have never done that with me and I could never treat you that way... I was just shocked at what you told me." 

"But I saw something in your eyes, I saw wisps of something I've never seen before." 

"I..." I stuttered, trying to comprehend that my own emotions had exactly mirrored Aidan and he had seen the same thing in me that I had in him, but what was it? 

"I promise you, Aidan, it wasn't pity. I'm sad that you had to go through something so horrific... my heart breaks for you..." I stopped dead mid-sentence, realising the true meaning behind my words. 

That was it, the moment of clarification, my heart was literally breaking for Aidan because I was utterly, truly, one hundred per cent in love with Aidan Miller. 

That must have been the change between us, that must have been what he saw reflecting in my eyes. 

"Rowan, are you having another panic attack?" I looked up at Aidan's words, a frantic expression on his face. 

"What? No! Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts," Aidan pulled me into his firm chest and slung his arms around me. 

"What's on your mind?" I could just about hear Aidan's muffled words as my head was pressed so closely into his T-shirt. 

"Nothing," I softly whispered.

I turned my head around so I could look out onto the view of the park. We sat secludedly underneath a massive oak tree, one single bench that was frozen in time, overlooking everyone else as they briskly went about their daily business. 

A perfect view with the light spring wind blowing in the scent of freshly blossomed flowers. The most romantic spot of the park and here we are bearing our rawest of emotions to each other, maybe not quite verbally but one look into each other's eyes and it was like we could see inside the soul. 

"Talk to me, Ro. Tell me what triggered this panic attack," Aidan gently rubbed his hand down my back. I knew he wasn't going to let this go, Aidan could see right through me, especially when I tried to hide my feelings. 

I sat up with one single tear flowing down my cheek, Aidan patiently leant back against the ageing, rickety old wooden bench. 

"I don't deserve you, I'm not good enough for you, Aidan. You're only going to be worse off with me around," I blurted out. 

"No! Stop right there. This is not you talking, Rowan," Aidan let out a puff of air and sat forward where he entwined his own fingers together and placed them on his lap. 

"When you've been told something enough times you start to believe it. I don't know what happened with your parents but I know they didn't treat you the way loving parents are supposed to." 

"Please don't..." I whimpered. 

"You need to hear this Rowan, let me finish please," Aidan abruptly interrupted, "they used you as their emotional punching bag, they made you feel bad about yourself when really they were projecting onto you and that made you think that's how all relationships should be."