Look 'bad luck' up in the dictionary. Go on. We'll wait. See there? That picture of an awkward college student tripping over his own feet? That's Peter Parker. He's majoring in chemical engineering, and by some stroke of (you guessed it) bad luck, t...
"Hey, did you just attack this guy with a tire? A tire?"
The woman shrugged "I dunno, fuck off."
"Oh. Uh. Okay." Peter said in confusion.
Kangaroo shook his head and made a mad dash for Peter, who was predictably warned by his Spider Sense. Like really, what else was going to happen? The Kangaroo was going to kill him? Come on. I think we all know how these stories play out by now...
Peter wove free of the tackle, webbed his Australian foe, swung him around in the air, then released. The criminal went crashing into a row of wooden seats in the far side of the bank.
Peter dusted his hands off and looked back at the costumed woman "Alright, I have this under control...uh...whatever your name is. What is your name?"
The woman cocked her head with a smile that told Peter that he had just made her day by asking her name. He knew the next part would not be good. "I'm Protonslaught."
Peter squinted. Kangaroo could be heard yelling things like 'struth' and 'fair dinkum' because, was it ever mentioned, he was Australian.
"You know. It's proton and onslaught put together."
"Yeah don't worry. I got that part." Spidey reassured lowly.
"Why weren't you laughing?"
"Because I'm not ten years old?"
"Whatever, Jizz-Hands Man."
Peter scoffed in disgust. "Ew."
"You shoot white stuff out of your hands."
"Hey! It doesn't come out of my hands. It comes out of these gadgets I made."
"Oh...that's kind of stupid. You call yourself Spider-Man and you don't even make webs."
Peter crossed his arms. "Hm, maybe I crawl on walls. And have the proportionate strength of a spider. What do you do? Slaughter protons?"
The tension in the air was thick, like the skull of a person who failed to realise that Pacific Rim 2 was just a Power Rangers movie.
The Kangaroo finally broke out of Peter's webbing then pounced back over into the main lobby. "Alright, playtime's over, ya bloody idiots. You're really gonna cop it now."
Peter gestured towards the approaching foe, being a gentleman and letting the lady have a go.
"Yes, defeating the almighty Kangaroo is going to be a cool moment. Because he's such a big threat. And Australian." Peter scoffed sarcastically.
Protonslaught extended a palm and growled, sending a ferocious yellow blur soaring through the air. The Kangaroo was blinded when the unstoppable form of a mildly smelly banana peel slapped into his face. Protonslaught took a single step to the side and watched as the Kangaroo barged head-first into the marble wall behind her.
He was rendered unconscious. The Superhero nodded and clapped "Oh yeah. That's right. I kicked his ass and I made it look good."
"You...made a banana peel."
"Yeah, so? Can you do that? No, you can't because you're a loser."
Peter sighed. 50% of his life was already allocated to taking this kind of treatment from Neanderthals at college; he wasn't ready for it to grow to 100%. Peter strode out to the front, leaving Protonslaught to follow. "Listen Prote, maybe you should quit while you're ahead. Yeah, you beat The Kangaroo, but what happens if you run into someone dangerous like Rhino? Banana peels and tires won't cut it."
"Oh shut up you asshole. I don't need to listen to you."
The time for fun and games was over for Peter. This banana peel-conjuring clown was starting to irk him. "Look, I'm just saying. I've been doing this for like seven years. Maybe you should listen."
Momentarily, police cars pulled up at the crime scene. One of the officers emerged from his squad car and looked at Peter. "Figured you beat us to it, Spidey. What's the damage?"
"Don't worry Fred, it was just The Kangaroo."
Protonslaught flicked her hair over her shoulder and pressed her hands onto her hips. "I took him down."
The cop narrowed his eyes. "Uh. Okay. Thanks...?" He glanced back at Spider-Man. "Friend of yours?"
"No, no, no, no. Nuh-uh, nope. Just met."
The woman smirked smugly and declared "I'm Protonslaught."
"What?"
"P-Protonslaught."
The cop gave her a once over before shrugging.
Protonslaught then turned over to Peter and said "Don't call me Prote. It sounds too much like scrote. Loser."
With that, the incredibly modest and level-headed superhero hovered up, up and away, as Spidey and his police officer friend watched.
"What a very...likeable individual." Peter announced sarcastically.
"You can say that again."
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