Stay With Me

Ch 1. The Apartment

Roommate! Roommate? Is that what Cheng Qing thought they were?

Feng He tried to smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Instead, all he felt was panic. Was this how it was going to be from now on? What had he gotten himself into? Was it too late to back out of it? The smile on Cheng Qing's face was happy go lucky and although Feng He found himself grinning right along he had to shake out of his momentary fascination and deal with the problem at hand.

He needed to tell the truth. Tell Cheng Qing that this was a mistake. That he didn't know what he was doing. That he didn't remember what he had been thinking when he'd told Cheng Qing to come back. That he felt overwhelmed and scared and aroused and confused. Would he understand what I mean?

Then he remembered what it had felt like when Cheng Qing had left. He feared that telling the truth now would get the same results. The tightening in his gut felt like someone had punched him in the diaphragm. It took his breath away. If that was what it felt like to imagine being parted from Cheng Qing there was no way to endure the reality.

So as conflicted as he was, he hugged Cheng Qing back slowly then pulled out of his embrace to look at him, "Let's get it done so we can have dinner in a clean environment." He said, of putting away Cheng Qing's things are reorganizing their living space.

Cheng Qing laughed at him, "Some things will never change."

Feng He didn't dare look at Cheng Qing for fear the other man would see how true those words were. No matter what he felt or what he thought, Feng He was scared that there was no way to win. And losing might just kill him. He may not die but his heart would never stop bleeding from the loss.

~

Cheng Qing had been nervous at first. Thinking about moving in with Feng He had completely overrun his mind with worry. He wanted this so bad he thought he would lose it if he didn't get to see Feng He soon. His manager, Hsioo Ming, had made sure to send his belongings with a driver to save him some time.

He knew he had to endure his current responsibilities, preventing him from leaving the set when he wanted to. But even though he was where he needed to be, Cheng Qing just wanted to leave work and go home.

Cheng Qing hadn't really unpacked. A part of him had known, or rather hoped fervently, that his move was temporary. So when Feng He asked him to come back, it was easy to get all his things together and delivered to the apartment.

But even with the necessary basics out of the way, it had been a few days since he'd last seen or spoken to Feng He. How could he miss someone so much? Every thought had been filled with him. When he was working. When he was resting. When he had to deal with commuting from his dad's house to the set rather than from Feng He's apartment. Everything had felt strange and out of sorts. But now...

Now Cheng Qing had to acknowledge that it was no longer just Feng He's apartment but his as well. This was where he belonged, and that was more about the man than the building.

He stood at the door debating whether he should knock or just go right in. Was he invading Feng He's space like the last time? Was he taking things for granted when he had no right too? Cheng Qing wanted to scream. Indecision was weighing him down and he just didn't know what he should do about it.

He'd finally made up his mind to go in without preamble. After all, he was finally coming home, right? Cheng Qing pushed open the door with gusto that belied his doubts and fears. Then he caught sight of Feng He – the other man's gaze fixed on his luggage like he thought it might jump up and bite him. For a moment he got to look his fill and Cheng Qing was so glad to see Feng He that all his worries simply disappeared.

He really was home.

Then he hugged the other man and felt Feng He immediately tense up. The worry crept back in. Some of the joy seeped out. Could they do this?

Even after Feng He hugged him back it was easy to see that the smaller man was holding himself away from Cheng Qing. He avoided physical contact as they moved around the apartment putting Cheng Qing's things back where they belonged. He didn't meet Cheng Qing's eyes even when he was answering questions or seeking clarification. And when they chanced to brush against each other, he practically jumped away from Cheng Qing like the touch burned.

Cheng Qing was trying hard to understand what was going on with Feng He but he couldn't for the life of him make sense of it. The space was too small for them to really avoid each other. But Feng He was definitely trying. Whichever side of the apartment Cheng Qing was in, he chose to be on the opposite.

The apartment was by no means large. Luckily, the addition of his things didn't leave it feeling clattered. It had a livelier vibe what with Cheng Qing's things adding colour to the mostly monochromatic decor. It felt more like their space; their home.

"A He...we should get some new bed sheets and bedspread." Cheng Qing said absently as he tucked some of his books into the bookshelf in the spaces Feng He had not bothered to place anything after his departure.

"Why? There are already two more sets in the cupboard." Feng He looked confused as he looked between the bed and Cheng Qing.

"I just think we should add a little colour to the room." He offered. "Maybe something dark like navy or black."

Feng He didn't reply. He just shook his head and continued putting Cheng Qing's clothes on hangers and putting them back in the wardrobe.

The silence was a quality Cheng Qing had noticed in the other boy quite quickly. He was quiet most of the time. It wasn't that he didn't like to speak or that he was shy. He just didn't say anything when he didn't think it was necessary. It was so different from his own personality that at times like these he wondered if they would really be able to make it. Then he remembered that he'd made a promise to himself; if Feng He wanted him in his life, he wasn't going anywhere.

So even though he was bad at this, Cheng Qing did his best to keep up with Feng He. The unpacking and clean up was accomplished in quick time with both of them at it but for fear of poisoning them A Qing refrained from helping cook dinner.

"I may not be able to cook with you, but next time let me get us something to eat. I can order whatever you want." He offered.

For that, he got a smile and a nod. That was enough for him.