Crumbling Cakes

Part XLII (42)

It occurred to me that I hadn't understood my disappointment in the entire outcome until now. I really was a mess. Maybe last night triggered something? Where was I even going with this?

"Well, that's sure a lot for nothing." He tapped my nose, I practically deflated. "Let's unravel that start from the end. 'Caving in' as you so put it would have been wrong. That would have been a disgusting misuse of power and I'm not the type of man who takes advantage of a vulnerable woman. Especially one who was cornered into the situation to begin with. I wanted to be your friend first and foremost, Lia. If nothing else came after, at least you'd have a friend in me. I didn't want you to just jump into my bed, Darlin'. Most of us can fuck anyone without trusting the other person, and I need you to trust me. I wanted you to know you had a safe place with me. No matter how hard something was, or how difficult something could be, you knew you could come to me. That you weren't alone.

"Trust, Lia." His palm warmed my jaw. "I was going to accomplish nothing had I caved in that dressing room. It was important to establish a more stable relationship than act on any desire I felt. We had been," he paused, searching for the right word. "Tumultuous. Snapping at each other while trying to get along and figuring out a new balance. I wanted to know you first. And I had to convince you that I could be let in here," he tapped my temple. "and here." He rested his palm against my chest, right over my rabbit thumping heart. "We're better for it now, Short Stack."

Damn it, he was good. I wondered if I had been ahead at all during our ten-month rollercoaster.

"As for the rest of that, this is serious. It's serious to me, and based on this freakout, I'm going to safely say it's quite serious for you too." He smiled at me knowingly, I was turning into a puddle of mush. "I know what I want, Pints. I've known for months. I'm holding what I want. Flaws, problems, sodium loading, minor harboring and all. Your mother can't scare me off that easily." My emotions settled the longer he talked.

"Stop fretting over my family. They adore you. Believe me. They're more excited about seeing you than me. You don't have anything to worry about. Now, relax, Darlin'. You're not walking in blind." With a chaste kiss to my temple, he let me go, snatching up my bag and turning for the door. "Besides, your best friend Blake will be there. What could possibly go wrong." Sebastian snorted.

I followed with a chortle. What could indeed.

***

I sat catatonic in my passenger seat. Staring at the door. How'd I get here so fast?

A few floors below, post-meltdown, I urged to check on the Misfits. It was my first Christmas in several years away from them. They were in a new location. Tony, the traitor, practically threw me in Ronaldo's arms to be carried away.

"Get out of here, you'll be late." He had shoved.

"But how can I leave you all?" I had whined.

And Tony, the sneaky sneak, rolled his eyes. "We're fine. I'm studying. They're reading. We have more food than we know what to do with. No—no put that back in your bag, no more presents. Go, D. Get out of here."

After several more minutes of dilly-dallying, being reprimanded, fussing over any poor kiddo that happened to wander by, and getting promptly kicked out by an exasperated Tony, I found myself strapped into my seat and whisked away to towns unknown. Sebastian holding his laughter back the entire time.

Now here we were and I was not ready.

I could do this. I could DO this. I couldn't do this. A squeak came barreling out of my windpipe and into the small space surrounding us.