Sin City

pt 6. mr ford please shut up

Being a therapist isn't easy. I have so many of my own problems to take care of that I honestly don't have time to help other people get through theirs.

I was just walking to the hotel after work while I started chuckling thinking about my last patient. The sweetest old man came into the clinic with a therapy appointment scheduled today, and I just loved meeting him. He brought his own snacks in, and complained to me about another old man at church that always coughs too loud.

I didn't see how he really needed therapy at all for this, he seemed perfectly stable despite the fact that the hacking old man made him want to rip his white hair out.

Poor guy I hope he comes back, he was nice to talk to.

You know that point in your life when you have no clue what the hell is going on, or what is going to happen next? Like all my life I have been at this point. I've never once felt stable, safe, or like I belonged somewhere.

After my parents passed I feel like my entire life stopped, the world stopped spinning, and I stopped living.

I wanna live again.

I don't want to go through life day by day living pay check by pay check with the help of my parents will just to survive. I don't wanna survive, I want to do things, I want to be a person, I want to breathe and be happy I'm still here.

I love the feeling of the hot sun on my skin, I smiled widely despite the fact that my smile is ugly and my cheeks cause my eyes to squint.

"What am I doing?" I asked him as I twirled around in my favorite sun dress, and let my hair hit my face. I had no responsibilities, just me and the sun.

"Living."

That was his answer that made me stop twirling and look at him leaning against the tree with a cigarette in his mouth. My smile faded and I know he noticed, because sin noticed everything about me. It's fair though, we read each other like books.

I hated seeing him smoke. I'm two almost three years younger then him, and sometimes feel like I'm smarter.

"Sinny." I walked to him and looked up at him ignoring the smug look on his face that I knew appeared because of our height difference. I watched him raise an eyebrow expecting me to speak.

"I don't really- I don't- I only want to live if you will too." The smug look dropped and he knew exactly what I was talking about. Next thing I know the cigarette is put out, and sin tilted his head a little to look more into my eyes.

I saw every color in his eyes and a stupid smile grew without me knowing.

Stop it clover.

"No, don't think like that clo, you can't rely on me." I didn't even listen to what he was saying as I've already heard this a million times. I dragged him out from the shade the tree provided and into the sun where I began to twirl again.

I laughed and smiled because I'm living. "I'm alive sin and so are you, so stop speaking like you're already gone."

I wish I was still the lively thirteen year old I used to be. Thirteen was a tough year. Two foster families, I discovered what razors could do, discovered what sin could do to me if I ever used one again, and discovered life again.

Today is the day, that I, Clover, am starting over.

I took in a deep breath and another and another.

This is what surviving is clover, it's time to live.

My feet dragged along the side walk and I didn't mind the dark allies surrounding me. I felt lighter and free.