Diamond in the Sky

Chapter 10

Surely Jace wasn't enjoying the negative attention that was coming from this cyber bullying. Then again, he did bring this on himself. If he hadn't cheated on me, if he hadn't lied to me, if he hadn't avoided me.

The hurtful words that people had posted swam around in my head and began to eat at my soul. I heard the front door go and didn't want anyone to see my crying or to challenge me on why I wasn't in school. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door and got in the shower.

The hot water washed away my tears. I turned the heat up until it was hot enough to scorch my skin. There was something soothing in being able to physically feel my pain.

There was a knock at the bathroom door followed by mum's voice, "Kya is that you? What are you doing home?"

I ignored her. She could hear the running water. She knew I was in the shower. She would see my school bag and know it was me. I was in no mood to speak to anyone. I squeezed shampoo into my hair and began to wash it.

"Kya, you can't keep skipping school." She began, "Is it that boy."

I pretended not to hear her. She knocked again. "Kya open this door."

I didn't listen. I ignored her and after a few more knocks she went away. I picked up my razor to shave my legs. I don't know how I did it but I nicked my leg. It stung and I cursed under my breath. I hobbled out the shower, to get some tissue paper to dab the bleeding. The bright red stream trickling down my ankle to the pad of my foot. I grabbed some tissues to dab it away, catching it before it dropped to the floor. It was bleeding fast. It stung as I pressed the paper against my cut and I held it there.

I remembered those words that people had posted online about how I would be better off dead. The silver blade of my razor winked at me and I had a sudden urge to do it. I got back in the shower and sat on the floor, no longer concerned about a tiny cut. I thought about killing myself.

Would anyone notice? Would anyone care. My mum and dad might? Murray might regret being so controlling of me. Jace might regret breaking my heart, maybe even realise that he is still in lover with me. Nate might realise how lucky he was to have me and wish he hadn't betrayed me. Fallon and Arizona might realise how they failed me as my friends, turning on me when I needed them most.

What heart me the most was the thought that maybe they just wouldn't care. Maybe I realise wasn't that important. Maybe I was nothing to them and people online were right and the world would be better with one less liar in the world. Pretending to be pregnant was awful. What about the attack. It felt so real.

I was losing my mind. I was crazy. Then I had a moment of clarity. Looking at myself, my wet hair clining to my wet body, shivering from the cold, my hand shaking holding the cold razor against my wrist, contemplating taking my life. I wasn't in the right frame of mind.

Mum knocked at the door, making me jump. The razor jutted in my hand and broke the soft skin of my wrist.

"Shit!"

"Open this door Kya or I will unscrew it!"

"No! No!" I quickly answered. "I'm almost done."

This time the cut was worse as the blood ran more freely. I began wrapping tissue paper around my wrist to stop the bleeding. I held it tight with my other hand. I noticed where blood had dripped onto the white floor and smudged under the floor. I gritted my teeth. How was I going to explain this. I hadn't meant to cut myself. I meerly thought about it. Now I will be accused of trying to commit suicide. People won't have sympathy for me. They'll say I did it for attention. They'll accuse me of lying and make fun of me. They'll create memes and nasty pics to post online. If I am to kill myself, I have to make sure I don't screw it up. I have to make sure I kill myself properly.

I shook my head. What am I thinking? Why am I thinking about making sure I do it better next time. There won't be a next time. There wasn't meant to be a this time.

I peeled the tissue paper off but some of it had stuck to my wet skin. I ran my wrist under the water to remove the rest. As the blood went, I noticed the cut wasn't as bad as I thought. As I stared at the thin red wiping line, I noticed it shrink. The length shortened, until, eventually, there was no cut. I ran my fingers over where the wound was but just like the night of the attach there was nothing. I lifted my leg up and rested it on the toilet seat. There was no cut there either.

It dawned on me that maybe I was either going crazy or healing at a rapid rate. The later was the only way to explain the blood on my clothes the night of the attack. The only way to explain the blood on the tissue paper when I cut my hand. The only way to explain the blood on the bathroom floor.

The only way to test my theory was to cut myself. I picked my razor up off the floor and took a deep breath. This was going to hurt and I could be wrong. The next logical explanation was that I was losing my mind. I needed to know.

I pulled the blade harsly across my palm as the bathroom door opened.

"For Christ Sake Kya!" My mum squealed. She pulled the razor out of my hand and bundled a towel around my hand. "What on earth are you thinking?"

She pulled another towel off the rail and draped it over my shoulders.

"I'm fine mum!" I pulled the towel around me.

My mums eyes welled up with tears, "Why are you hurting yourself." She pulled me into her arms for a hug. "Please, don't do that. If you are hurting talk to me. But, please, don't do that thought."

Mum lead me out of the bathroom to her room. She got the first aid kit out. I peeled back the towel she'd wrapped around and could see my palm was already fine. I had rapid healing. I wanted to scream with excitement. "I'm fine mum!"

She threw me a stern look, "You're not fine. Fine never means fine. Cutting yourself is not fine."

I waved my hand at her, "Look I'm not cut."

She looked stunned at my clean hand. She came forward and turned it over. "But... I saw you cut yourelf."

I shook my head, "Is that what you thought you saw?"

Mum let out a long sign and sat down next to me, "I'm so worried about you Kya. I don't know what I saw. I don't know why you're not at school."

My head dropped, "I've fallen out with my friends."

"What happened?"

I tried to think of a version that was suitable for my mum, "I moved on from Jace."

"Oh no, you fell out over a boy?"

"Sort of...." I admitted the truth. It felt good to tell the truth. "I started to get close to Nate. Fallon didn't like it."

"What a silly thing to fall out over." She shook her head and put her arm around my shoulders and leaned in close to whisper, "Do you like him?"

I shook my head, "I don't know."

Mum kissed my head, "She'll come around. You need to figure out if you are ready for someone new. You can't rush a broken heart."