The Tattoo (Troyler AU)

Chapter Twelve: Troye

“Troye?” She took my hand in hers, her thumb drawing small shapes into my hand, and I opened myself up to one of my closest friends.

“I was at Tyler’s the other day. We just hung out, watched Disney and talked. It was so chilled, ZoZo, it was really nice. Tristan was on some business trip, and I thought he was getting home today, in the afternoon. He called me, asking why I wasn’t home to meet him. He was so mad Zo, it was horrible. I left Tyler’s, and I went straight home.

He said awful things. He told me that I didn’t care about him, about us. It was as if my heart was breaking, it was unbelievable, like, imagine seeing Alfie die in a car accident. Probably around ten times worse. He stormed out, and I lay on the bed in our room, singing and crying. 

I woke up this morning, and I still felt like absolute shit. I tried to eat, Zo, I really did, but I just couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried, it hurt too much. So there I was, laying on my kitchen floor, having the worst flashbacks, and my memories were mixed with the nightmares I had last night, creating some sort of never-ending hell. 

Then he walked in. He looked bad, his eyes were tired, and his hair was messy. He picked me up, and held me for probably five minutes. And then, I realised something. He smelt like sweat and alcohol.” 

At this point, I was almost screaming the words, my emotions finally bubbling over. I’d stood up mid-rant, needing to emphasise my anguish even more. Zoe just sat there, listening intently to me.

“He’d been at a club. I cried myself to sleep, and he’d been to the fucking club! How could he? Doesn’t he care about how much he hurt me? He saw me last night, he saw me break down on the floor, yet he went out and got completely wasted at some sleazy club!”

“What is wrong with him? Why aren’t I enough for him? What more does he want from me, I gave him everything, I give him everything!” Zoe was almost crying, several tears threatening to spill out of her lightly made-up eyes.

“I don’t have a keyboard, or a microphone! I don’t sing because I have to pay the bills, because he doesn’t get off his ass and try to find a job! He’s never even heard me sing, and I doubt he ever will, because he doesn’t care enough about me to even consider listening to me! I’m only 19, I don’t deserve this, I shouldn’t be working in a local Starbucks to try and survive, all because my 25 year-old boyfriend doesn’t give enough of a damn to try and make some money!”

It was as if all my energy had been drained from me. My legs gave way, and Zoe, the wonderful person that she is, quickly ushered me to a spot next to her, the couch covered in cutesy, embroidered cushions and the occasional throw. She hugged me into her, and I took comfort from the familiarness of the apartment and her, someone who I completely trusted.

“Why do you put up with this, Troye?” The whisper was soft, only just audible, but it struck a doubt in my mind.

Why did I put up with this? This is not what I pictured true love to be like. I imagined easiness, familiarity, someone who completely understood me. I imagined cosy nights in a small, but comfortable apartment, snuggled up together, drawing warmth from the knowledge that the other person was there, and that they cared about you with all of their heart.

I didn’t imagine crying, screaming, my heart being wrenched out of place, just to attempt to satisfy the other person. I didn’t want the harsh words, hard times and hateful thoughts that so often came to the forefront of my mind. That isn’t love. This isn’t love.

“He’s my soulmate.” Was that even good enough anymore? At this rate, I’m highly doubting even that, the only thing I’ve ever been sure about in my whole life. 

Zoe looked at me, concern in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking, and I knew what she was going to say, even before she said it. It was the one question I’d been asking myself so much lately, the one plaguing my days and haunting my nightmares. I silently pleaded for her not to say it, not to confirm the doubts, both in my mind and hers.

“Is he?”

A/N I KNOW I KNOW DON’T HATE ME PLEASE.

hi. *runs to a corner and hides*

I KNOW I HAVEN’T UPDATED IN AGEES, I’VE BEEN MEANING TO BUT THIS CHAPTER WAS SO HORRIBLE TO WRITE. but never fear, for it is here!

wait

wait

read this

WE GOT 1K VOTES WOO WOO WOO

WE GOT 7K READS WOO WOO WOO

WE GOT 400 COMMENTS WOO WOO WOO

seriously I was absolutely freaking out, like dying! thank you guys all so much, you’re all so lovely, and you mean the whole world to me!

speaking of important people, this chapter is dedicated to one of the best people in the world, and possibly the best internet friend ever. @troylerplz , COME ON UP! aariel, you are the absolute best, and despite time differences (aka satan legit) YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH, SO THIS ONE IS FOR YOU MY KOALA LOVING FRIEND

also, big thank you to @phillester_ for providing me with the perfect music to write this to, Fallout by Marianas Trench, which is like the BEST THING EVER! just asdfghjkl

I LOVE YOU ALL MUNCHKINS

VOTE AND COMMENT WOO 

also I’m flying to the UK on monday, which means I CAN WRITE ON THE PLANE cos my dad won’t notice anything :p EXPECT CHAPTERS (as long as I don’t catch writer’s block)

also I GOT A TRXYE BEANIE WOO (lol no one is gonna read this but if you do fangirl with me)