Nothing To Lose

18 - these are hard feelings

"Okay. What if I hold your hand while we have breakfast? Deal?"

It was Beam's last attempt to convince Forth. And it seemed that he was assured of the offer.

And so they did hold hands while eating breakfast. It made the whole thing difficult with just one hand but Forth was assured and that's what's important.

Beam spent the morning with Forth tugging at the hem of his shirt wherever he went. Forth wouldn't let him out of his sight. Beam could only think of tomorrow's situation when he needs to leave and go to work.

Beam sat on the couch while Forth had his head resting on his lap. Forth would kiss Beam's thigh and Beam would play with his hair. Forth liked it. He liked it very much. He was smiling while watching the movie in front of them, it was The Grudge.

When afternoon came and Beam needed to take a shower, it proved to be another difficulty.

"Forth, I'm only taking a shower, baby. It won't even take long. An hour at most." Beam sighed.

"Then let me go with you." Forth insisted.

Beam chuckled, he was both frustrated and amused at Forth. He hugged Forth and kisses his lips, too quick to even get a response. Beam rubs Forth's waist.

"I know you're scared. But I told you I'm not going anywhere. I am not leaving you. I'm staying right here. I'll go wherever you go. I'll always be this close." Beam's lips was a breath away from Forth's. Any movement will surely led to a kiss. And Beam moved closer.

At the first touch of Beam's lips, Forth closed his eyes. He savors the only lips he ever wanted to taste. On instinct his lips captured Beam's and he took control of the kiss. He was rough against Beam's gentleness, a match that was meant to be. Forth didn't stop there, he couldn't even if he wanted to. He was kissing Beam harder, deeper, with an urgent need he never knew before. His hands clutching Beam from behind, pinning him closer.

Beam felt the rush of helplessness, the sinking yielding, the surge of electricity that left him whimpering for more. His moans - unheard, swallowed by Forth.

The heat died down followed by smack of kisses. Beam's face was flushed. Forth was out of breath. He had a smile across his face. Beam snickered at him and the two laughed together.

"Will you let me shower now?" Beam asked.

"Now I want to go even more inside the shower with you." Forth answered with a snicker. Beam jokingly punched his chest.

Beam was glad he was back to his old self. And all it took was a kiss. He knew Forth will probably take advantage of it, intentionally or unintentionally.

"Go on. I'll finish the movie." Forth said. Beam sighed in relief as he enters the bathroom. Forth stood in place until the door closed.

There was giddiness in his chest like a light tickling of a feather. Beam couldn't stop smiling. The entire time he was cleansing himself with shower gel and shampoo, his smile was the only thing that he failed to wipe away.

Beam finished his bath. He wore a new set of clothes that was already prepared inside his room. The small gesture made him feel even more giddy that he was almost ashamed to even feel it. Beam was drying his hair off with a towel, descending from the stairs when he heard Forth's voice, arguing with someone.

He heard a loud thud and Beam skipped walk to reach the living area to check on Forth. There he saw him gripping his own hair. Head down and he had his phone in his ear. His shoulders tensed as he sat on the couch.

"I don't fvcking care!" He yelled to whoever was on the other line. His voice was filled with fury that wasn't there before.

He stood up and kicked the couch he was sitting on.

"Fix it or I will kill you-"

Forth stopped when he saw Beam. He ended the call and threw his phone on the cushion.

"Fvck!" He wipes his face with his palm. The frustration was too much. Having Beam seeing him this way fueled his rage even more. Forth could feel the infuriating anger building up quickly inside him.

"Forth? Is.. e-everything okay?" Beam felt a chill down his spine. He swallowed hard.

Forth had both his hands on his waist. His eyebrows almost meeting one another.His chest was heaving.

Forth shakes his head.

"Get away Beam. Go outside." Forth requested firmly as he points towards the door.

Beam walked slowly towards him.

"BEAM! GET THE FVCK OUT!" Forth screamed at Beam before he even got a chance to get close to him. Veins could be seen from his neck. His face was red.

Beam winced and immediately stopped. He couldn't feel his legs. The scream had frozen him where he stood.

Forth turned his back from him.

"Please.." Forth asked softly in pain.

Beam nodded and with little of his energy left, he walked out towards the garden. He knew Forth didn't mean to yell at him or to push him away but Beam just couldn't help but feel hurt and scared just the same.