If you ever see this
I hope you're doing well. It's been a long time now but you still cross my mind from time to time. I miss what we had, you were my ride or die. I'm still learning to love myself because years with you left me broken, and only now I'm realizing I was loving myself as a part of us. I don't know who I am anymore, picture I've built was based on you and your influence only. It took me two years to accept that you never truly loved me, maybe you did in the beginning before you turned into what you are today, but maybe you just didn't want to be alone because you knew what would happen eventually. I still believe that deep down, you're an amazing person, the one I fell in love with when I was 15. I wish you, more than anything, to stop and think about it. Think about who you were that night when we met and spent hours talking about life. I still believe that's who you truly are. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that people hurt you to the point where you turned into a heartless, emotionless monster. I know you're too proud to apologize and admit it wasn't really my fault. Because I know it's not and finally, I'm free. I know there's someone who loves me unconditionally and sees I'm not that hard of a person to handle, as you used to say, and that person is me.
You were my first real love, my sunshine and person I thought I would marry one day. Deep down, I could never and never will think of you as a bad person because I could see through you, and I loved you with my whole heart. I was so afraid that I will never be able to love someone as much as I loved you, but I'm so close to loving myself more than I loved you. Maybe then I'll be ready to give myself completely to someone else. But I know it takes time and now, I'm not trying to rush it. I'm finally closing this chapter, letting you know that you'll always have a part of me and that I will always feel a tingling pain when someone mentions you or that time when you were mine.
Till this day, I was hoping you'd change and realize what really happened. I was hoping you'd call me, tell me if I remember when you said we'd always find a way back to each other and that maybe, just maybe, we could give us another chance.. but you didn't. And that's okay. I know you've already moved on and now it's my turn, for real. I hope you're happy with your fiancé as much as I hope she is the one for you. I don't know what future brings, but I hope yours will be bright and fulfilled. Maybe one day we'll bump into each other and both be able to sit down, laugh and talk about beautiful memories only. Now I know the time wasn't right for us. I guess that's a part of this beautiful mess we call life.
It's time to let you go. Thank you for everything.
Goodbye
X
09. 06. 2019.
