Diamond in the Sky

Chapter 4 (Pre-Nano)

"Sorry," He said. My heart knew it was Jace before my eyes identified him. Over his shoulder was a paper-round bag, "Oh."

He registered we were holding hands. There was a long pause as I stood motionless staring at him, wanting him, wishing Nate wasn't here. Then Jace nodded and peddled away.

"You okay?" Nate asked.

My body was cold and felt like ice. Death himself had crawled over my body. The corners of my mouth pulled like a heavyweight and I knew I wasn't alright. Nate's chat the night before had made me more open and vulnerable. I was no longer in control of my emotions and hot tears warmed my cheeks. I wanted the cold, I wanted to be numb.

"No!" I pulled my hand away from his and began to run, batting the tears from my face.

I didn't want warmth or love or anything like that ever again, because all that was left was the pain. I was angry at myself for forgetting. The emptiness was sickening, burning in the pit of my stomach like bile. I wanted to take a knife and cut it away from me; amputate my heart feeding the poison to my body. I couldn't take it anymore.

Rough hands grabbed me and as I tried to shake him off, I fell forward onto the pavement. Nate toppled down with me, gripping my shoulders, he rolled me over. All I saw was red. I shoved him off me. He reached for me again, trying to pull me to my feet, "I'm sorry. Kya..."

"Get off me!" I screamed angrily at him and pushed myself up on my grazed palms, "Leave me the fuck alone!" I started marching home. "For goodness sake, don't follow me!"

Head down, not looking back, I tugged the hood to cover my face. Taking huge breaths as tears continued to roll slowly down my face from my hollow pit of a body. I was alone at last but I still wanted Jace; nobody else would do.

I needed a piece of him to fill the gaping hole in my life. Imagine if I was pregnant with his baby. It was a strange thought. I wasn't even ready for sex and I'd never wanted to be pregnant before, but as soon as the idea came to me, I rubbed my stomach and comforted myself with the idea of a tiny piece of Jace growing inside me. If only...

I arrived home with a smile on my face. Pleased that Nate had left me alone and satisfied with my fantasy pregnancy. I unlocked my front door and crept inside, shutting it gently behind me, I tiptoed up the stairs to bed.

Once under the covers, I placed a comforting hand on my tummy and fell asleep imaging I was pregnant with Jace's baby and that we would live happily ever after.

*****

Cancelling a night out was like committing social suicide. I knew exactly what to expect as I waited by the postbox for Fallon. She would never admit to my face that she was angry I cancelled last minute but she would punish me by insisting they had the best night ever without me - to make sure I know I seriously missed out.

But she wouldn't have wanted my company anyway. Seeing Jace out of the blue had knocked me. I had spent the day in bed, sobbing. I tried to soothe myself with the idea that maybe I was just feeling hormonal and I searched online for pregnancy symptoms to see which I could identify with. I had even managed to convince myself that the dull ache in my belly could be early implantation pains. The rational side of my brain reminded me that this was just a fantasy and then I would cry because I was all alone.

I was taken aback when Fallon greeted me with a look of concern, "Are you feeling better?"

I nodded, feeling a tad guilty for lying.

"The whole night was a disaster. We got in the club, then the Police arrived to do an ID sweep. We managed to get behind the bar and out the backdoor before we got caught but there was an officer with a van parked there!"