Another Broken Girl

Chapter 45

I look into his eyes and see a spark in it. I feel my stomach turn and a warm sensation cover my body. And that's when I realize that this is dangerous, whatever this is. And where ever this is going, it has to stop.

"Get out." I say stepping back.

"W-what?" he asks hurt.

"I said get out!" I say louder.

I'm getting too close to this boy. I don't know why I even let him into my apartment. Oh god- I let him into my apartment. I even texted him my address. What in the world was I thinking? Why am I even friends with the rest of the guys? Or the girls? Why am I letting them come to my work, or letting Luke take me out? I shouldn't even be at home right now. I should look for more jobs so I can get more money.

"Why?" he asks even more hurt.

"Because- because I don't want you here." I choke out. Luke flashes me the biggest hurt look you can imagine.  I feel something inside of me collapse. "Please," I beg, "just go."

"What's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" he asks reaching out to hold my hand, but I just flinch away.

"Nothing's wrong, Luke! Don't you see? I'm not supposed to be making friends, or going places for fun, or else-" I stop myself in mid-sentence. I can't have friends or go places because I'll end up hurting them. I might end up hurting myself.

"Or else what?" he asks with glossed eyes.

"Nothing! Just forget it." I say burying my head in my hands.

"Ali-" he begins trying to reach for my hand again.

"Don't Ali me. Just leave." I say pushing his hand away from me.

"No. I want to stay." he says.

"Luke! Just go! Leave!" I say now pushing him to the door with all of my might.

"No! Ali, I want to stay. Talk to me!" he yells attempting to stop me.

"I don't want you to stay! Leave me alone! Go away!" I yell with my eyes filling with tears. I finally get him to the door and harshly push him out.

I lock the door and lean my back against it. My legs felt too weak to support me so I slid down the door and sat against it with my knees against my chest. Although I felt like crying, I didn't. I felt the tears already covering my eyes, but they never came out. I didn't let myself. I didn't want to cry. Crying is a sign of weakness. I'm not weak. At least I pretend I am.

"Where are you, you little tramp?" John spats.

I sat in the cramped closet hoping he'd leave me alone. I couldn't handle another beating. I still had bruises from yesterday. I felt so useless. Even when I stood up for myself it never worked. He just gave me harder blows to the face.

The knob began to wobble as John shook it furiously. I jumped up with fear and I began bawling out of fright.

"There you are." he hisses once he broke through the lock.

"Please leave me alone." I begged him. Of course that didn't help anything. All he did was grab a fist full of my hair and dragged me down the stairs.

"Are you crying? You know I hate it when you cry, right?" he asks lowly as we reach the living room.

"Y-yes." I answer. He lets go of my hair and gives me a hard slap across the face. I try to hide the pain, but end up groaning.

"Stop hitting her!" my mother says running towards me from the kitchen. I notice that her face was bruised and she had a cut lip. At the sight of my hurt mother I felt anger fill up inside me.

"Shut up, you hag!" he screams then slapping her across the face as well.

"Don't touch her!" I yell standing up and pushing him back forcefully.

He smirks in surprise and hits me in the stomach. I wince, but don't give up. I recover myself and hit him as well. I begin slamming his chest with my tiny fists, but not doing much damage. He simply pushes me back making me fall on to my back.

"Stop!" my mom yells.

"Go back to the kitchen!" he yells at her.

"Mom, just go." I say. She gives me a hard stare, but goes back to the kitchen with tears streaming down her face.

"This is for hitting Me." he says kicking my side hard.

"Stop!" I yell getting up, using the couch as support.

"Oh, you think you can tell me what to do? Come on, hit Me." he teases with the most hideous smirk.

I run towards him to try and attempt to hit him, but he just grabs my arms and slams me against the wall.

"You think you're tough, huh?" he whispers in my ear. "You're nothing but worthless scum that can't even take one bloody hit."

"And you're a sad man that hits girls to hide his insecurities." I say back. I feel anger build up even more.

"What would you know, you're a teenage dropout."

"I was the top of my class and I dropped out to help the bills that you can't keep up yourself because you use all our money on beer and drugs. Tell me, what kind of a cop beats two women daily, and buys drugs from dealers for cheaper because you don't arrest them?" He looks me dead in the eye with anger. I can tell that he was surprised, but he tried to hide it by beating me up some more.

I drag myself into the bathroom as always when John is finished with me. I turn on the sink to wash my face. When I'm done I look into the dirty mirror. I see my black eye, cut lips, and multiple bruises covering me head to toe. I begin to cry warm tears which I can't stand. I feel so worthless, so powerless, so hurt.

When I wipe away my tears, I look at my reflection one last time knowing what I need to do. I open the medicine cabinet and pull out what ever pills I could find. I pour about twenty into my hand and stare at them. How selfish am I? I'm leaving my mother with that monster, and I'm just taking the easy way out, but I have to do this. I just have to. I can't stand this much pain anymore. I can't stand John. I can't stand work, I can't stand stress, and I can't stand me.

I found myself crying again as I begin to swallow every pill individually. Once I bottomed the last one I felt a dizziness fall upon me and my stomach felt like it was bleeding. The last thing I remember was blacking out on the cold floor with my mother yelling my name.