Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

UPDATE

UPDATE PAST JULY-AUGUST OF 2019
Jeez... where do I even begin? Nothing has gotten better for me recently. My dad got married, so he moved out and into his new wife's house. We all cut off my aunt because yeah, so I don't see her or my cousin anymore. Lindsey and I had had a major distancing thing going on. I don't think I am going to publicize anything about my family until I know I can. I have to still get my GED, license, and since I didn't want to move in with my dad, I now have to move up to Las Vegas again with my mom. This is all no detail or depth so I guess I will save that for the next volume if the first even goes anywhere. Anthony is leaving in 3 weeks and my dad is making it hell because my sister is lying about a bunch of stuff. Everything right now is havoc. I am having a major burn out. I am upset because I would be graduating this year if it wasn't for Zakk Reed defaming my character- resulting me to get bullied everywhere I go. I would still be at North, have a 3.0 or higher GPA, just... he truly ruined my entire life. And how I feel about that? Disappointed. I am hurt honestly. How someone could destroy my life, my character, my schooling and have absolutely no remorse for it. Every person that has hurt me leads right back to Zakk. Like Jenna Sims. Recently I accidentally liked one of her tweets on Twitter and she started messaging Anthony all of this stuff that was so made up- trying to get him to break up with me. She kind of revealed how she got Trent to break up with me, which was me "telling" Trent's dad that him and I were dating. And what is funny about all of that? Is the second Anthony sends her a screenshot of what the real truth is? She immediately stops responding and has never contacted either of us since. Zakk and his friends have ruined already one of my relationships, and is already trying to do it again. Zakk's friend Lauryn works with Anthony and when she figured out we were dating, she was trying to hint that she "knows who I am" as if Anthony doesn't know the full story. This sounds like middle school drama, but it all just hits me now. A freshman relationship, 4 years later is still coming back to me trying to destroy anything good that happens to me. What makes me upset? Is that after all this time, nothing- karma, punishment, actions were never taken to resolve it. My school did nothing, nobody's parents found out because they lie about everything. Zakk and his friends ruined my entire life and he just got away with it. He got away with truly destroying my reputation. He got away with turning people against me that I didn't even know. He got away with people getting to "know who I really am" without them even talking to me in person. He got away with calling me horrible names. He got away with full on tormenting and bullying me. But you know what's funny? Is that throughout all of the time that has passed, is that I never sunk to his level. There is no screenshot of me texting someone about what a "horrible" person he is. There is nothing that proves I spread "lies" about anybody because I never did. I don't believe in revenge, or hurting someone just because they hurt you. Keep in mind? This is my journal, it is not a book. It isn't a made up story, it is my story. And my truth? My perspective? Is that as a freshman, no 14 year old boy wants to be in a committed relationship. He found interest in another girl, and went for that. The thing about a "first love" is that it shows you're capable of being loved. I as the person I am, when I love, I love to the fullest I can. Zakk now, after all these years, has still never found the same love twice. He doesn't want anybody to be loved the way he knows he can/was. So how can he prevent that from happening? Destroying my character. Making me seem like the most unappealing, unlovable person to walk this planet. The truth is that people like him have a hard time loving themselves, so they deflect their feelings on anything that does. A freshman relationship, he has taken so far- to ruin my entire life. Getting others to hurt me. It all leads back to him. Jenna, Sabrina, Mady, Noah, Trent, Lauryn- anybody associated with him. It is still hard to comprehend, that nothing was ever done about it. And I God forbid pray this journal can expose that. It is flabbergasting that teenagers don't even realize when they are full on bullying someone. It haunts me till this day that I didn't screenshot everything that he said to me, and that his friends sent to me. What I have in this journal, is an understatement. Nothing will ever compare to the text messages he has sent. He hates me because he knows I know what is true, and what isn't. He knew I wasn't smart enough to screenshot them. He knew I was going to be so hurt by it, that I would just delete it. He knew that since I will never have those records on board to share, that he could say, share, and spread whatever he wanted and that it would never be challenged. The way he thought about it was clever, and unfortunately everybody bought it. When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. I pray that the misinformation just feels unfair, but if I stay above it- that other people will eventually see the truth, just like I did. I try to not worry about my reputation too much, I worry about my character. My character is who I am, my reputation is who people think I am.