Yuragwyn: Ours

---Chapter 16

                I follow him docilely, now searching the woods for hard faces with evil intent.  “What do you suppose Eglantine thought was important enough to risk being killed to go do or say?”

                “If I knew that, half the battle would be over,” He answers.  “She is fast proving to be our worst enemy.”

₰Traugott₰

                Our evening is spent lounging around and waiting for Kaitra’s return and news from Honorable Urien.  Calanthe has set about to sewing new curtains for the bedrooms, but she has long since stopped stitching and only stares out into the space that this world holds for those who can’t face this one.  Even Lord Cadfael is listless. 

                A sharp rap at the door breaks the vice horrible circumstances and clouding fear has bound us in and Lord Cadfael himself rises to admit the visitor.  I stand as the messenger we sent walks in, alone. 

                “Where is Kaitra?” I ask, rushed and with dry tongue. 

                He purses his lips as though he is trying to come up with the best way to share his news.  “She refused to come.”

                Lord Cadfael’s eyes narrow, “I am afraid your meaning is lost on me.”

                “She said she was needed more with Honorable Urien and that her friend could come with me, but then the friend disappeared and they rushed away after her,” he explains.  “I caught only snippets of the hurried conversation, but words such as ‘traitor’ and ‘Rite’ and ‘spy’ were all too prevalent.  I thought it best to warn you.”

                “A friend?” Lady Carys questions. 

                “I know nothing else of the girl,” he replies. 

                “We must go retrieve her then.  Any ‘friend’ who can be described with such labels is not one I want around my daughter.  We can’t afford to lose her,” Lord Cadfael runs his fingers through his hair, and in his eyes I can see the frustration building.  “I must pack.”

                “Lord Cadfael,” I begin.  “I have been long idle.  Let me go while you rest, for I feel I must do something to help this war effort instead of hinder it.” 

                He nods and I rush to the hall to grab a few sets of clothing and other things for the trip.  As I turn the corner, Calanthe’s burdened eyes follow me.  I know I told her I would stay, but her godparents she still has.  I am doing this for all of us; surely Calanthe can see that retrieving Kaitra is necessary.  I will return and stay put, if Calanthe wishes, for the entirety of the war as soon as Kaitra is safely back. 

                I find a pack in the armory and begin to stuff it with clothing and foodstuffs for myself on the way over and the both of us on the way back.  My hands tremble as I rush them faster and faster, and my heart is aching to get out and begin so I can feel useful to my country. 

                “Traugott.”

                I bite my lip at the soft voice behind me and turn to face her.  Tears glisten in the corner of her cerulean eyes, and she holds her thin arms close to her frail body.  “You said you wouldn’t leave me.  You promised.”

                “Calanthe, I know, but,” I begin. 

                She holds up a hand, “I understand that Kaitra is very, very important to Yuragwyn’s future, and I know that you have felt you have wasted too much time too far away from home.  Kaitra is a dear friend of mine; I want her safe. 

                “But I want you safe too, Traugott.  You push yourself and push yourself and blame yourself when things go poorly.  I know you blame yourself for Enion’s death and Briallen’s now as well, and I know you want to prove yourself to my father and Lord Cadfael.  I know you feel most comfortable with a sword in your hand and the looming threat of battle on the horizon.  But battle is a hairy and unsure thing.  You are already physically and emotionally exhausted from our long journey.  Please don’t go.  You might not come back to me.”

                “If Kaitra doesn’t come back, it matters little whether or not I do.”

                “Traugott,” she whispers.  “Please.”

                “Calanthe, please trust me.  I can do this.  You are safe here.”

                But instead of smiling, instead of falling into my arms and wishing good luck and safe travels and asking me to tell Kaitra something when I find her, Calanthe only draws herself up, gives me one solemn look, and swishes away to the fireside.