Love and Loyalty

The Struggle

Ugh these early mornings of dragging myself out of bed. My summer was a bore little to no excitement. Isn't that a mood killer? It's just me and my guitar...as if I had one. It was just me and these four walls me thinking of a master plan listening to my wide variety of music ranging from Pink to Lil Kim to Bruno to My Chemical Romance to Fall out boys to blink 182 to my love of old school Tlc to Swv to Jodeci and so on. You get creative when you're bored seriously trust me. For the most part I was in my anti social moods which comes and goes. The only thing to get me out of my room was the need for good food other than that no way no how. I was stir crazy being stuck in the house cooped up in my room with not much to do tends to put a strain on you there's only so much you can do. We had a few random guest or family visitors which was rare. Other times I would sit in my room sketching til my hearts content I had a sudden creative spark. I'm a fashion lover my style is unique. My clothes tell a story. I'm in between deciding to be a fashion designer or a stylist because I can't sow yet. I can draw though and as long as I got a pen and paper for my vision I'm set.

My parents think my dream is unrealistic and I should lean towards higher paying jobs with more guarantees and success rate blah,blah, blah. Boring! I don't want to take the easy way out I love a challenge. I don't want a nine to five I want a career or occupation I love. The pressure is on I don't want to disappoint them but I have to find my voice or I'll get lost in it all. They like to bulldozer my ideas quickly but growing up they were more encouraging. They even gave me the you can do whatever you put your mind to speech.

Oh yeah here comes another year of dreadful school I could've done without. Only reason I kind of don't care because I know it's my last year. Yah trick yah. This school year it starts on a tuesday and like every year on August 25. The highlight of it all is I get to see my friends I only see at school. I don't get out much 'cause I be focused on my books. Trying to be book smart not street smart. Oh my goodness it just settled in this is my last first day of high school. I love the sound of that. About time I swear its felt like a slow lifetime. Maybe a decade. Will it all be worth it? It better be. I didn't come this far to fail.

Here I am in deep thought I've been up for a minute debating going back to sleep or dragging myself out of bed to prepare for a nice hot soothing shower. Let me tell you it was not even a real debate because sleep won you can never have enough sleep. I rolled back over drifting back to sleep snuggling deeper in my comforter. I know I should be up preparing because honestly I take forever to get ready that and we couldn't afford wasting gas when we were pincing pennies already that's why I make sure I try to make the bus. Money tight around my neck of the woods.

It felt like paradise with my stress relieving machine playing ocean sounds I have a hard time sleeping if you can't tell. I drift off faster losing myself in the tranquility surrounding me. I was fading away into my thoughts and dreams. All of a sudden creaking disturbs the peace enveloped around me I know the intruder, my mom, is at my bedroom door. Noo I'm not ready. "Ariane it's four thirty you know you should be up."

"I'm up." I said into my pillow coming out muffled.

I could tell she was still in a sleep daze herself based on the sound of her voice so she didn't nag any further. I'd have to shuffle to get up and browse through my walk in closet. I hate making decisions on top of that I'm not a morning person at all. I force myself to get out of bed and start to go through my clothes. I got tired of going through clothes right away grabbing the simple go to outfit sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. Who do I have to impress? Nobody. I just don't care. I'm such a rebel. I'm going to slide on my converses done deal. I head to the hall closet to get me a towel and rag before rushing to the bathroom. I hang my clothes along with my towel on the towel rack. I go to turn on the water letting it run until I'm sure it's turned hot. I check periodically as it warms up. I strip slowly still not happy with this but knowing it's got to be done.