The Farmers Daughter

Chapter 6: It's okay to not be okay

Edith bites her bottom lip and I could tell she was trying not to laugh. "You do yours and I'll do mine." She grabs the light orange rope that was tied around the hay bale before lifting the thing with ease. She carried it inside and up to the loft.

Travis chuckles and shakes his head. "If Edith can do barn work without breaking a sweat then so can you, son." He wanders inside the barn and leaves me out in the rain.

The rain beat against my back through my t-shirt as I trudged up to the house for a break. I didn't care if Travis got aggravated with me so when he called for me to get back down to the barn, I simply ignored him and kept on walking. Screw him, screw Edith, screw the world; it's times like this that I miss my mom and the comfort I got from being in her loving arms.

As soon as I get into the house and to my bedroom I break down and cry. I sit down on the floor at the foot of the bed in front of the chest, pulling my knees up to my chest. I wanted this weight lifted off my shoulders; I felt hopeless, felt empty, spiteful. I can't remember the last time I was ever genuinely happy with my life.
"Mom." My voice was hoarse as I spoke out loud. "Mom if you can hear me.. just know that I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me, even if it's just for a little bit." I press my palms against my eyes and suck in a breath before exhaling. "I want you to hold me and tell me everything will be okay."

My bedroom door creaks open and Edith peeks her head in a bit. "Rough day?" She questions.

I grab a pillow and throw it at her angrily before standing up and slamming the door in her face. "I know this is your house but you don't have to be nosying around in my business!" My voice was wobbly as I hit my hands against the door frame.

"You're not the only one." She sighs and I could hear her sit down outside the door. "My day didn't turn out so great either."

"You're crazy to think I want to sit here and discuss my day with you. And so help me if you tell a soul about me crying." I wipe my eyes with the back of my dirt covered hands then grab a pillow to clench in my hands so I won't punch a hole in the wood paneling. I didn't feel like having bloody and bruised up knuckles for the next week.

"You don't have to be a tough guy just like I don't have to be a tough girl." She was soft spoken which was a bit odd coming from her. "It's okay to feel heartbroken. I um.. I still talk to my mom and she passed away three years ago."

As curious as I was, I didn't want her to know. I scoff and kick my sneakers across the wood floors. "I'm not doing this, Edith. We're not going to have a heart to heart and then a ride off into the sunset."

She taps her knuckles against the floor and thinks for a moment before speaking. "That's one reason why I struggle to like you."

"I can assure you that the feeling is mutual." I stated as I searched for a clean shirt to put on.

"You don't even know me. How can you hate me when you just showed up here last night?" I realized she wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

"Well, you don't know me either." I find a clean black t-shirt in the closet so I take my soaking wet one off. "Don't act like you didn't judge me when we sat at the breakfast table."

"I'm sitting here trying to get to know you but it's hard trying to break through your walls you've built up." She says simply and sighs.

"They're built up for a reason and I'm not tearing them down for you." I reply smartly to her, but then I remember my plan that I wanted to put in place. She won't fall in love with a jerk so I had to make her believe I could change.

"If you don't talk to me then you can always talk to God. That's why I'm here, Dallas." I hear her stand back up and turn the doorknob. "I have bitterness towards you and God isn't pleased with that. So.. I'm here to apologize and hopefully I'll try to do better."