Sterek One-shots

Guilt.

"What did you say?" His ears twitched, eyes flashed briefly and Stiles knew he was listening in to his heartbeat, watching for any sign that he was being lied to.

"I am not lying to you Derek, I promise it was not your fault." Making sure to annunciate every word clearly, making sure to drive his point home, he stepped forward again to make up for the lost closeness. "And I get it more than you think." He knew people took comfort in different ways, knew that some people just prefer to talk and some like advise. But, somehow, he knew that Derek needed someone to relate to him, to understand the pain and the guilt he had felt. The pain and guilt he still feels. Stiles knew he could be that person and some part deep within him - though, now that he reached for it, maybe it wasn't as deep as he thought - wanted to be that for him.

The man he knew and had known for three (nearly four) years looked so broken and suddenly he felt bad, bad for not checking in more often, bad for not talking to the living embodiment of suppressed emotion, bad for not seeing it sooner, taking action sooner, just bad. Although it wasn't just that, something inside Stiles yearned to help him, yearned to provide some form of comfort for the man and he was inclined to listen.

"I know you don't think so, but I do get it. I understand the guilt and pain. I understand the constant nagging in the back of your head that all and any happiness you've ever felt, you don't deserve. I get the nightmares and the flashbacks." He couldn't say the words he truly wished to say: 'you are not alone, Derek Hale.' Yet he hoped that he conveyed that and hoped that he hadn't been mistaken in thinking that Derek needed someone who was like him in this aspect.

Derek seemed to collapse in on himself, running a hand through his hair and padding over to the couch. "Why..." was the only word he seemed able to choke out, voice thick as he sat down. Though the rest of the question was unneeded, he cleared his throat and tried again, "Why do you understand?"

Stiles moved over to sit next to the older man, legs crossed, leaving enough distance between them so that he didn't make Derek feel pressured or uncomfortable or crowded. Or maybe it was for Stiles' own sake. He shifted, getting comfy as he knew this would most likely be a long, hard conversation however good for the both of them. "After the nogitsune, I--" he glanced up from his hands to look at Derek whose gaze was focused solely on him as if Stiles was his last hope, his lifeline. "I couldn't help but blame myself, that was all I did - blame myself - and Scott never helped. In fact, he probably did the opposite, he joined in with the blame, he told me not to be so selfish when I tried to talk to him, he refused to look me in the eye, he called me a killer, a murderer, weak, a liability and so many other things and I took it all to heart. Especially since I had no one to tell me otherwise. But, Derek, I won't let that happen to you for any longer than it has and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to see what's going on behind that brooding exterior, I truly am."

Derek's whole body was rigid as if he was fighting with himself over something, his eyes were wide and Stiles knew it was probably something to do with him so openly talking to him like this (maybe no one had ever been this open with him) but he decided the former of those two points was more important so he said quietly but with no less conviction than before, "It really isn't your fault, you did not do anything to warrant the guilt you bare every day." Keeping eye contact as he did so.

Derek didn't say anything for a while, just sat there unmoving, watching Stiles carefully almost like he's waiting for a punch line that will never come. It causes Stiles to fidget uncomfortably, not liking the silence or intense stare but putting up with it if only for the fact that it seems as though Derek needs time to think, to mull things over.

"I didn't tell you not to come because I didn't think you cared enough to come." And if that didn't make Stiles feel lousy then nothing would. How could he think that? They may not be best friends but he thought that it was known to Derek that he cared about him.