Project Baby Spider * Peter Romanoff

-04

25 December 2000

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    WITH WINTER CAME AN extreme temperature drop. In her small room, there was only a single air vent in the corner, but it did an okay job with heating the small space. Natalia would still have a blanket draped around her shoulders at all times for the extra comfort and warmth.

    "Merry Christmas," Natalia said, holding her slowly growing bump with one hand. Her other hand was under her pillow, slightly propping her head up; she was laying in bed, enjoying the warmth of the blanket.

Natalia wasn't religious, so she didn't celebrate Christmas. She had only heard of it from some of the other girls when they were younger. She joined in their festivities like carols and a "jolly spirit," but she never celebrated it on her own. Today, she only wanted to use it to remind herself of her sisters.

    She spent another ten minutes under the blanket before she got up. "Time to be productive," she whispered to herself. There wasn't much that she ever needed to do. She kept everything she owned organized and cleaned up, whether it be in her small room or single bed and drawer in the dormitory. The space she had was small and held limited objects; what could she possibly do to spend hours worth of cleaning up?

    To start her productivity, Natalia sat walked only a few feet to her shelf and grabbed the nail she had found a week into her stay. Once she retrieved the small, sharp object, Natalia got back on her bed, but instead of sitting or laying down, she got on her knees and faced the wall. She took the nail and added another vertical line beside the twenty-eight she had etched. "Only twenty-nine days," she whispered to herself, starring at the lines. Who knew that such little lines could bring so much longing and sadness, because that's exactly what Natalia felt looking at them. Those twenty-nine lines, knowing the number will only increase, killed Natalia. They reminded her of her lonely situation and the dread she's felt ever since stepping into the door way. She's sighed and wiped the water that filled her eyes. Stupid hormones.

Natalia made her way off of her bed again and placed the nail back in it's spot on the shelf. "I guess I should eat now." Considering the light bright shining through the small window, it was late morning. Natalia made her way to her small kitchen and opened the fridge. She took out her half empty carton of eggs and place it on the counter. She grabbed her smallest pan from her cabinet and placed it on the stove, then turned the burner on. She cracked five eggs, planning to scramble them, onto the pan. Next, she grabbed two pieces of bread to make toast on the pan once her eggs were scrambled.

Once she finished cooking, she plated her meal and sat at her fairly new table. The last time the man came to replace her basics necessities (soap, clean towels, food, etc.) she asked him to ask if she could have a table and chair. Honestly, Natalia didn't expect to get anything, but to her surprise, there was a table and chair in her room the next day. She ate in silence, the only sound being her humming of the few Christmas carols she had learned from the other girls.

She finished the rest of her breakfast, and placed her dish in the sink. I'll clean it later. It's Christmas. She gave a pitiful laugh to herself for her excuse to lay down again. She sat back on her bed and then laid down.

Natalia's mind drifted to a different life; one she could have been living if her parents did not give her up after birth. "I hope I'll get to hold you," Natalia whispered to her stomach. "If I don't get to live a life with you, then I at least want to comfort you once. I am technically your mother."

She sat with that thought until another popped into her head. "Are you a boy or a girl?" Before she could ponder on that thought, more flooded her mind. "How smart you are. What will you like? What color are your eyes? How much will your face resemble mine? Or will you look more like your father?" Natalia's mind stopped thinking after that last thought. She hadn't really thought about the father of her child much, but when she did she felt uneasy. Natalia never gave her consent and he still proceeded? Couldn't he have refused? A shudder went through Natalia. With that, she forced her mind to move to another topic.

"They're going to take you away and hurt you. I just know it. I'll go back to training, probably never hearing about you ever again, and I'll graduate. You'll be made into some fighting machine... just like me... ." Natalia did not wish anyone to go threw what she had in her short life. No one should be made into weapons, but here she was. Here they all were. Each girl here knew thousands of way to kill a man, and none were over twenty yet.

"I'm sorry," Natalia sighed. "I didn't mean to bring you into this life."

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EDITED/REWRITTEN

-Nat