Hearts & Minds | WATTY Winner

Chapter 9 | A Visit | Part 3

"It's how I got this scar." Theo stopped walking. He guided Nora's finger along the thin, faded line that crossed his chin. She could feel it through his soft yet prickly stubble. Without thinking, Nora gently pulled her hand out of his. She stepped back, putting some distance between them. His eyes questioned hers, and she could see the hurt that settled in them as he understood. He had killed, even if it was an accident. Children had died.

Was it really his fault, though? She could see the anguish in his face, the sorrow and regret that plagued him.

"I'm sorry," she blurted.

"It's okay."

"It's not. I didn't mean..." She wasn't sure what she was going to say. But she didn't reach for his hand again.

"Forget it."

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"It's not exactly something I like to bring up as soon as I meet a person," he said wryly. "Especially someone I like. 'Hi! My name is Theo and I committed manslaughter.'"

They stood awkwardly on the corner. Around them, the Mission bubbled with activity. Couples and groups of friends strutted down the street, off to bars and nightclubs and poetry readings. They laughed and joked and smoked, carefree and cool.

"Of course. That was thoughtless of me." Nora shook her head. A particularly noisy crowd passed them to cross the street. When they were gone she said, "Tell me more about it. Please."

He looked at her with an intensity that almost scared her. There was a struggle within him of feelings and decisions of what to say, how much to reveal. His mouth opened, but before a word came out he seemed to change his mind.

"My dad has connections. He called in a favor to a friend who knew the prosecutor that handles juvenile cases. I received community service, but I wasn't allowed to drive until I turned eighteen. I had to show I could be trusted. Of course, my records are sealed because I was a minor." Theo swallowed. "He also pulled me from my boarding school and made me go to the local high school."

Nora frowned. "Why? Was it a punishment?" Most kids would probably rather live at home with their families, wouldn't they?

"Let's just say my childhood home wasn't very homey. Boarding school was my sanctuary." He pressed his lips together, lost for a moment in a memory. "The local high school was the one the girl went to. The one who died."

"Oh." That must have been torture, she thought.

"My dad made a donation to have a study room in the library renovated and named for her, and he told me to go there every day during my lunch hour and just sit."

Nora found this baffling. "But why?"

Theo laughed, and it was a bitter sound. "He called it atonement."

She tried to imagine young Theo doing this. She tried to imagine her father making her do such a thing. Never. Never. It was so...controlling. Punitive. "Did you do it?"

Theo gazed at her, his eyes filled with self-loathing and grief. He nodded.

"At first he had some lackey from his office check in on me to make sure I showed up. But I always did."

How bizarre. Both the father's behavior and the son's. Sick and twisted—wasn't it? Rainey would know what this was all about. She would call it what it was. Mind games. Power plays. Nora tried to mask her confused emotions, to simply look concerned and interested. It didn't matter though. Her alarm was obvious to him. Theo's tone changed, rimmed in a hard edge.

"I'm fucked up, Nora. You know I am. I'm totally repulsive. I would pull away from me too."

"Theo —" How could she have been so cruel? No. She needed time to process. Pull away? Oh god. No, that had been a mistake. Nora tried to take his hand again. She wanted to cup his cheek and run her thumb over his scar, to put her head on his chest and feel the beat of his heart against her cheek like before. But now he was the one walking away from her. He headed toward the street, and for one outlandish second she thought he was going to step gracefully into oncoming traffic.

But that wasn't his intention at all. He raised his arm. Like a flash, a taxi pulled to the curb. Theo opened the door and gestured for her to get in. She did without hesitation. He started to close it behind her, but she held it open. "You're not coming?"

He shook his head. "I just wanted to be honest with you, Nora. Before you decide anything."

"Decide what?" she said, her voice shaky.

He made a move, like he wanted to push her hair away from her face, but stopped himself. "With relationships we have to accept the worst of a person. Now you know the worst about me."

He was giving her a way out. Part of her thought she should take it.

"We all have secrets." She glanced at the cab driver's profile and lowered her voice. "Things we regret."

Theo shook his head and smiled that half smile, sad and fond all at once. "I can't imagine yours are that bad. Believe me, I have more regrets, other regrets, but what I just told you—that's my end all be all. Now you have to decide if I'm really worth it. Because truthfully, I'm not sure that I am."

With a gentle push, he closed the car door, and this time she did not resist.

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Happy Monday, Wattpad defenders! I hope you had a lovely weekend and your day is going swimmingly. Well, you've just concluded the final part of Chapter 9: A Visit. What do you think about Theo's revelation? What about Nora's reaction? How would you have acted at the news? Would it be a dealbreaker in starting a new relationship? So many questions! So much to think about! Later this week, I'll post the first part of Chapter 10 of HEARTS & MINDS. Thanks for continuing to read, vote, comment, and spread the word! Cheers, Olivia