Faulting Fate

Ashes and Lullabies

                                             ASHES AND LULLABIES

                                                 by Natsuri Ayuko

My life started with a song.

The very first memory I had as a child was of my mother's singing voice. It seemed so long ago, a distant echo that had neither rhythm or meaning. It was one of those things that would always be there, a reminder, a bit of sad recollection. It was one of the most precious things I have of her.

I never truly knew my mother. She was gone the moment my father did, and it didn't really matter that she was alive and breathing. Her heart died the moment she realized that my father was never coming back. She never sang again. And she was never the same.

There wasn't much I remember about my father either. Not even his face. I was three when he was killed. I was there. I was too young to understand what was happening, but I did recall him saying something before he permanently closed his eyes.

He told me to never sing.

I remembered the words. It was etched in every tissue of my brain. I couldn't remember his voice. My father was nothing but a phantom to me. After kissing the tips of my young fingers, the music of his heart beats lulled to a complete stop.

I was completely alone, cold, shivering, staring at the glassy green eyes of my dead father. The infernal silence in the room crushed me, and finally, I snapped. I screamed.

Every single being in this world had his or her own music, the sound of laughter, of movement, of life and hearing them stop had to be the most painful experience I endured as a child. That was the last time I saw my father. He died protecting me but I couldn't even remember his face.

I must be a terrible son.

Only years later did I realize that perhaps it wasn't just my mother. Maybe, I died as well… because I was never the same person. I never sang again.