𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 || seongsang

7⋆Stargazer

It's been almost a week since the last time Seonghwa and Yeosang met, and Seonghwa has done everything he can to stay busy, to keep his thoughts off of how much he is longing to see Yeosang again. But the second he lets his mind rest he falls straight into the endless loop of desperation and craving. Hongjoong has started to seem even more suspicious about his friend's odd behavior, but he has kept quiet, only sending certain looks Seonghwa's way.

"I met this girl from SNU the other day, she's real cute," Mingi shares his news with his friends when they meet up for dinner.

While Hongjoong and Yunho is eagerly listening to Mingi, Seonghwa on the other hand is sulking quietly on his side of the table. He flips his napkin around, pursing his lips together in a extra straining way, while thinking everything through. He hates how affected he is by the thing with Yeosang, although it isn't even a thing any more. Or ever was.

The door to the restaurant opens and Seonghwa's eyes widen up when he sees who walks in. Wooyoung, Yeosang, San and someone Seonghwa hasn't seen before. The four of them are getting seated at a table in the corner and Seonghwa can't help but look in their direction. 

Wooyoung's loud, contagious laughter is spreading throughout the entire restaurant and even Yeosang lets a smile break free on his face. This is the first time Seonghwa has ever seen Yeosang actually smile, and the way his smile makes his whole face brighten up might be the most amazing thing ever.

"Park?" Mingi cuts through Seonghwa's thoughts. "Did you hear me?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Seonghwa turns his head, all flustered, to see how his three friends are staring at him.

"I said, the girl I met wants to go out with me but only if it's a double date. She saw a photo of you on my Instagram and she wants you to meet her girl friend."

Seonghwa isn't feeling particular interested in Mingi's offer and tries to pass it on to Yunho, but Mingi says the girl has insisted that he brings Seonghwa.

"Come on man, she's a SKY student too. Imagine if you guys hit it off, your parents would be thrilled, right?" Mingi laughs and nudges Seonghwa's elbow with his own.

A sigh leaves Seonghwa's lips as he knows he can't argue with that. His parents would be furious if he ever dared to bring home a girl who isn't in one of the top universities in Korea. He won't even start to wonder how their reaction would be if he brought someone home who just happened to be a male, SKY student or not. Hell would break loose that is for sure.

Yunho orders a couple of bottles of Soju which are soon empty. The guys are starting to get louder and even though it's a Thursday and all of them have classes tomorrow they end up ordered yet another bottle. Throughout the dinner Seonghwa locks eyes with Yeosang a couple of times, but Yeosang seems completely unaffected by it, to Seonghwa's great disappointment. Why he feels this way is hard for him to admit though.

♦

One hour later Seonghwa is walking alone through campus towards his dorm. The others ended up heading to a bar, but Seonghwa had refused with the excuse of it being a week day, which they had accepted. Luckily.

While being caught up in his drunken thoughts he sees a silhouette of a person sitting on a bench a couple of steps away. When he gets closer he realizes that it is Yeosang who is sitting alone, gazing at the night sky above him, one of the few things he actually seems to enjoy.

"Hey."

Yeosang turns his head when he hears Seonghwa's voice next to him, but he immediately looks away again.

Maybe it's because of all the Soju he has been drinking, but Seonghwa doesn't seem to care or even think twice when he lets himself dump down to sit next to Yeosang on the bench.

"Listen I... I'm not gay. I used to have a girlfriend, okay?" The words just leave Seonghwa's lips and he questions himself on why he had to say that.

"Okay?" Yeosang sounds confused, and with good reason. Seonghwa's statement was random and unasked for.

"I've just been feeling a bit messed up since she broke up with me. I thought we were supposed to stay together forever. I thought that she was the love of my life."

Somehow Seonghwa just can't stop talking right now. He has never talked about such things with anyone, not even his friends. So why is he suddenly letting all of it out in the open, and to someone he barely even knows?

"Love of your life, really?" Yeosang scoffs with a short laugh.

"Yes. Why? Do you find that amusing?"

"No, no. I just... don't believe in such things."

"In what? True love? Meeting the one?" With a raised brow Seonghwa glares at Yeosang, almost offended by what he just said.

"Just, love in general."

"Are you being serious right now? Have you never been in love?"

"No? Is that a problem? I love being single, free to do whatever and whoever I want to. No commitments or anything, just enjoying life."

"So," Seonghwa clears his throat before continuing, "you'd rather just sleep with a bunch of random people than finding someone you'd actually care about?"

"Yes? You've never had a one-night stand? Felt the thrill of meeting someone new and then get a good fuck, and never see each other again?"

The way Yeosang so nonchalantly says things like this makes Seonghwa's cheeks turn warm. He could never say, let alone even think, things like that in such a way, and he somehow admires Yeosang for being able to do so.

"N-no."

"Maybe you should try it sometime. Or are you afraid it will ruin your perfect image?"

"W-what do you mean by that?" Seonghwa glares at Yeosang, on the edge to feeling offended by the sudden judgmental tone in the younger's voice.

"I think you know what I mean," Yeosang says with a small shrug, "You wouldn't even allow yourself to even think about that, would you? Something that could possible cause a flaw in the picture-perfect life that you have. I mean... That was until just recently, of course."

"What do you mean?" Seonghwa mumbles quietly, repeating the same words as before in lack of a better comeback.

"I flawed you, didn't I? And you freaked out, although you clearly wanted more. And you still do. You, Park Seonghwa, wants to fuck me so badly but you are scared to admit it."

"That... That is a lie... I-I would never want that..."

"Really? You really don't think I can make you feel good, Seonghwa?"

♦

Seonghwa slams the door to his room and his long exhalation turns into a loud groan as he throws himself onto his bed. Yeosang's words are raging through his mind like a hurricane knocking over all rational thoughts.

Feeling too overwhelmed, Seonghwa steps into his bathroom hoping a shower will make his body calm down. He closes his eyes as the water starts pouring down over him, but with his eyes closed he can't escape the images of Yeosang's face. Trying to fight off the feelings that are rushing through him, Seonghwa runs his fingers through his wet hair, aggressively rubbing his scalp.

But soon Seonghwa can't hold himself back anymore. It's been so long since he's been touched, even by himself. The heat inside the shower cabinet quickly rises as his own pace gets faster. His free hand is against the wall, supporting his trembling body. All the dreams he has had about Yeosang collides into one before his eyes, and he has to fight all his urges to moan the younger's name out load as he releases into his own hand.

"Fuck..." Seonghwa pants heavily before making sure to clean himself properly, not even realizing it was the first time that word ever left his lips.

When he leaves the shower he avoids the mirror at all cost, being too ashamed of what he just did to even look at himself.