𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 || seongsang

6⋆Utopia

Kissing Yeosang, a guy, is something that Seonghwa never thought he would do. But when it happens, it feels like it's what he has wanted his whole life, something he has been missing without even knowing it.

Yeosang's lips are soft like silk and they fit so perfectly onto Seonghwa's own. Kissing the younger is the first major, significant decision Seonghwa has ever made by himself, and he loves the way it makes him feel. 

Free.

The following days Seonghwa and Yeosang end up making out quite a few times. Every time without any of them speaking even a word to each other, the overpowering attraction is speaking for them. Like when Seonghwa is alone at the library late at night and Yeosang shows up to study as well. Or when they meet in the hallway, and no one is around, it only takes a quick look at each other before Yeosang walks with Seonghwa to his room.

After their first kiss Seonghwa had been too caught up in his own thoughts to even wonder if it would happen again. But as it did happen, over and over, the worries that showed up whenever he was alone soon disappeared. Instead he just gave in to his own desire and let things happen.

Saying that Seonghwa loves the way it feels to kiss Yeosang would be an understatement, and each time the longing to feel those soft lips again grows even stronger.

When he is with Yeosang everything just feels right. He feels carefree, relaxed. Like they are alone in their own perfect world where Seonghwa can finally breathe without having to worry about every little detail of his life and future. Kissing Yeosang is something so wonderful and surreal that it has become his escape from reality.

And although it probably should worry him what it means for his life and him as a person that he likes to kiss a guy, he doesn't care. Not until one day where the longing to kiss Yeosang starts to turn into a growing desire to feel more than just his lips. Kissing is one thing, going further than that is something Seonghwa isn't feeling too sure about yet, and his mind is having a daily fight with his body over it.

Even when Seonghwa is asleep he can't escape his thoughts and the things he deep down is afraid to even wish for. His dreams unfold by themselves in his mind like flowers blooming during spring; they can't be stopped.

Images of Yeosang on his bed with Seonghwa on top of him, kissing him, touching him, undressing him. Their exposed skin against each other's, Yeosang panting Seonghwa's name while digging his nails into Seonghwa's neck...

The dreams are getting more and more vivid and Seonghwa wakes up every time drenched in sweat, his heart about to explode in his chest and with a big problem between his legs. A problem he is too ashamed to acknowledge and therefore fights to ignore until it goes away again. Even though it is almost killing him.

♦

One night where Seonghwa is unable to fall asleep he suddenly finds himself walking down the hallway, not even sure why. When he turns the corner, about to approach Yeosang's room, the sight before him makes him flinch and he takes a few steps back. Afraid to be spotted he tries hiding behind the corner, but he still can't help himself but stare.

Yeosang is standing outside the door to his dorm room. Key in hand, but busy being felt all over his body while his lips are locked onto another guy's. The guy pushes Yeosang against the door, slipping his hands underneath the loose t-shirt Yeosang is wearing. Seonghwa watches in silence as Yeosang finally manages to get the door open and how he drags the stranger into his room.

A weird feeling runs through Seonghwa and it follows him all the way back to his own room. Yeosang obviously has no problem with others finding out he likes guys, as he doesn't try to hide it at all standing in the hall-way like that. But Seonghwa feels terrified by the mere thought of others finding out that he's simply made out with another male. Within a second, the Utopia in his mind has turned into a deep, dark hole of despair with doubt, questions and fear are surrounding him. Suddenly he has to face reality and question his own actions. Does this change who he is? It's not like he is gay or anything... Right?

♦

Seonghwa is at the library with a list in his hand, trying to find the books he needs. Usually it's no problem for him at all to locate books, but today it seems like the hardest thing ever since his thoughts are scattered all over the place and he can't keep focus for that long. He runs his fingers over the bookends, while mumbling the titles he is searching for.

An eternity later he has finally managed to find all the books he needs, and he is flipping through the pages of one of them as he turns around a corner of a bookshelf. Not looking up, he almost bumps directly into Yeosang.

Their eyes meet and the tension between them instantly rises. Seonghwa peeks to both sides before pulling the younger in between the bookshelves.

The arousing feeling of kissing Yeosang still doesn't fail to make Seonghwa completely lose his mind. He drops everything he has in his hands to make room to hold Yeosang instead. While slowly letting his hands glide down, feeling Yeosang's body, Seonghwa lets his lips part and soon their tongues are dancing around each other. The way Yeosang is humming sweet moans into his mouth is enough to make Seonghwa drag him directly to his room and push him onto the bed.

But suddenly the sound of the library door opening and someone walking in makes Seonghwa jump back.

"Wait. Stop." Seonghwa pushes Yeosang away, feeling so nervous his heart is in his throat.

Yeosang takes a step backwards, leaning his back against the bookshelf behind him. He tilts his head to the side, the dark hair swaying by his movement and falling over his eyes. Seonghwa can't seem to read the expression on Yeosang's face, but he is starting to learn that this is just a common issue with the younger who always seems so cavalier in anything he does or says.

"I... I don't want to do this anymore," Seonghwa whispers, afraid someone will hear them.

"Okay, sure. Whatever." Yeosang flips his hair back and stares into Seonghwa's eyes for a few seconds before he turns on his heels and walks away. And just like that, whatever they had is over. Seonghwa should feel relieved, it was his own choice after all, but he doesn't. 

As soon as Yeosang is gone Seonghwa picks up his stuff from the floor, while trying to make his body calm down. The effect that Yeosang has on him is still going strong and in the end he just sits down on the floor, with the books on his lap to cover the thing that embarrasses him so endlessly. Nothing else to do right now than wait...