You are the only one that understand (Bucky & Natasha)

Part 9

"I..."
"James, I never said it because I don't know what it is. I have no idea how love is even supposed to look like. I..."
"No, neither do I... I've never met someone like you before."
"Well, Steve said you were quite the ladies' man in the '40s."
"Yeah, well, I don't really care for any of them. That's probably why I'd rather choose to go to war than settle down with someone. I don't know how real love should feel, but I imagine it's something like that."
"But I'm not the same girl I once was."
"I know." It got quiet again. I was sitting on James' lap, looking at him, our faces just inches away from each other. My heart started beating faster again.
"I..."
"Don't say anything, Natalia." He gently placed his hand on my head and pressed it against him. A massive relief washed over me. It's not that I didn't want anything to happen; I just wasn't ready for it yet, and it seemed like he fully understood that. I felt happy just to have him near.
We engaged in small talk until sunrise, and we heard some movement behind the doors.
I returned to my room, but only for a quick change, since we met minutes later, as planned, in the training room. We did our warm-up separately but met again for a sparring session.
And we were killing it once again. We were truly exceptional, so much so that Sam and Wanda were watching us again, their jaws dropped to the ground.
"Close your mouth, Wilson, before you catch a fly."
"Oh, darling, you've left me speechless." Sam, as always, tried to flirt but only made me and Wanda cringe, while James rolled his eyes.
"Do your warm-up, kids." I shooed the other two away and approached James, who was taking a water break.
"Don't tell me you're jealous, Barnes?" I teased him.
"Jealous? Of who? Wilson? Pff, please." He took a swig from his water bottle.
"You're right. I'd rather hook up with Steve." James nearly choked on his water and started coughing, gasping for air.
I patted him on the back a few times, not too harshly, as he finally caught his breath.
"Seems like Steve didn't tell you."
"Told me what?" His eyes widened, and it only made me giggle.
"Why don't you ask your best friend himself?" Even though I'd had a sleepless night, I felt playful. I couldn't resist when I saw the confusion on his face. So I sauntered over to my teammates, leaving James genuinely puzzled.
Soon, Steve entered the room and walked toward us, but James intercepted him. I completely lost interest in whatever Sam and Wanda were doing and focused on the two super soldiers who had stepped aside.
Before long, I saw Steve's face turn pale and then bright red. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. Seeing Steve embarrassed was a priceless experience. When Steve's face reached the point where it was brighter than a tomato, James burst out laughing.
"Oh, great! You're laughing at me!" Steve pretended to be annoyed as he walked over to us. "Traitor." Steve gave me a look when he and James both walked up to me.
"Please tell me there's video footage," James asked me, still laughing.
"I wish. It was way too long ago." I could only express my disappointment.
"это было действительно умно. (That was really smart)"
"Спасибо. Я учусь у лучших (Thanks. Learned it from the best)." I smirked, switching to Russian since I sometimes missed speaking my mother language. Also, everyone else's reaction was amusing—only Wanda might understand a bit; nobody else had a clue what we were talking about while we both looked at Rogers, trying to maintain our serious faces.
"I mean, good move. Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable." James patted Steve on the shoulder, and his friend became even more flustered.
"Oh, my God!! You two are like made for each other... That's exactly what she told me." He lifted his hands in surrender and walked away, still completely embarrassed. We exchanged playful looks before rejoining the team for a training session.
I could tell James was getting more and more comfortable around everyone. They still exchanged those teasing remarks between Sam and him, but you could tell. They secretly didn't hate each other. James and Wanda's interactions were just adorable; you could tell James was putting effort into not hurting her when they trained together. He was really gentle with her and able to teach her more than I ever could. He was just a damn good teacher. Plus, he made her laugh in a way I hadn't seen her laugh for years. I couldn't help but smile as I watched them.
***
We finished training and returned to our rooms to change and relax for a few hours until lunch. Barnes and I had been glaring at each other until we saw Steve looking at us with a smile. We both shifted our gaze to our plates for the remainder of the meal. It was a good thing Sam liked to talk a lot; he didn't need much response, which prevented the meal from descending into complete silence.
I declined the offer to go into town with the others. I hadn't slept properly for a while now and couldn't wait to lay my head on the pillow, even though I didn't do much for the rest of the day. I sat on the couch with Sam, watching stupid movies. As soon as everyone left, I got into bed, and sleep overtook me instantly. Flashes of memories passed through my mind...

... Me and James training together... He slams me to the ground, and I cry out in pain...***... James cleaning my bruises after a mission. He leaned in and kissed my forehead as tears covered my eyes.***... I kept spinning on my bleeding feet, wearing a bright tutu...***... a bullet crossed my side. The engineer behind me slumped with the same bullet that hit me, but for him, it went straight to the heart. I lifted my eyes and saw him standing, looking at me with a gun pointed at my direction. Then he raised the gun and began walking away."James!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. But I couldn't even see his shiny metal arm anymore as my vision blurred.***... I swung so hard that the man I fought went over the edge of the tall building's roof, but he tried to take me with him. I could barely hold onto the edge while the man clung to me. His movements weakened my grip, and finally, I slipped. But James caught my hand."Knock him off," he told me."I can't; I'll lose my hold." I panicked even more, hearing the man's whimpers and the tragic chaos below us."I won't let you go, Natalia... Never..." his voice was resolute.***I was bleeding out in the dirt, a guy I was supposed to protect lying dead behind me. His silhouette slowly faded away, leaving me to die..."James... Please," I whimpered, but everything grew dark, and I felt numb. "No... No, not here, not like this... Not by him..."

"Noo!" I jumped in my bed, covered in cold sweat and shaking, tears streaking down my cheeks. Like every night, I woke up from nightmares. It was still hard to comprehend how one person could be the source of some of the worst and best memories of my life."Think happy thoughts, Natasha. Happy thoughts..." I whispered to myself, still trying to calm down. I walked into my bathroom, contemplating taking a shower to wash away the sweat. But first, I needed a few moments to collect myself. I stood there in silence, and then I heard running water from the room behind the wall. It was James's bathroom, and it seemed I wasn't the only one having the idea at 1 am.I closed my eyes, and images of us making love flashed through my mind. Memories of his naked body and how he touched mine... I couldn't control myself. A moan escaped my lips. My heart started racing all over again. I was usually really good at covering my emotions, not letting anyone overpower me, but he did it so easily without even trying."OMG, I can't believe I'm doing this... Seriously, Natasha, put yourself together... You're not doing anything wrong... You're a single woman who has needs..." I mumbled under my breath as I found myself standing in front of James's door."You got this... You are confident... You are confident. You totally got this." I summoned all my skills to enter his room as quietly as possible. I could still hear the shower running, so I went straight there. I peeked through the slightly open door and saw his silhouette in the steamy room. He was facing away, his head pressed against the tiled wall. His mind must have been a million miles away because, no matter how good of a spy I was, there was absolutely no way I could sneak up on the Winter Soldier like this.But I decided to seize the opportunity. I filled my lungs with hot air one more time and lifted my oversized t-shirt over my head. Dropping my underwear on the floor, I was completely exposed as I silently walked up to him in the shower. He turned his head to face me and blinked a couple of times before standing straight, looking at me."Wha... Wha... What are you doing, Natalia?" His voice was shaking, but I couldn't tell if it was because of me or because he had clearly woken up from a horrible nightmare."Saving water," I replied with a mischievous grin.

_________

-Eva 🖤