Emails I Never Sent...

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Hey, it's me again.
I'm sure you're sick of me by now.
Afterall, who sends weekly emails?
But anyway, I just wanted to ask
Can we catch up soon?
I know you're busy, I know you have a billion
More important things to do
Than talk to me, but
Things kinda escalated last night.
And now I'm lost.
And I'm scared, that I'm disappointing everyone
And that it's all too much.
So please, can we find time
To meet up?

*

Hey, I need your help.
I'm reading this really boring book for English...
And I kinda need some advice...
How do you do it?
How do you get through books
You can't stand?
Cause I'm sure, you must have had to read
Many books for a class that you didn't enjoy.
So how did you get through them?
Also, can we meet up sometime?

*

Hey,
I was just wondering
If we could make a time
To share poetry again, you know
Like we did last year.
I know it was easier last year, when we saw
Each other
Regularly instead of this awkward
Glance towards each other
When we cross paths.
But, there are things I need
To tell you.
And why don't I just go
To a counsellor or talk to someone else?
Well, I guess that's because
I trust you.
You know, you were the first
And until yesterday only
Adult I came out to?
Why?
Well, I guess it was because
I'd already taken that leap, and showed you some of my poetry.
But, I guess it's also because
You had no connection
To my parents.
You were, and still are
One of the only adults in my life
That is only mine, not my parents friend,
Not someone who would tell my parents
Accidentally or on purpose.

Maybe that's why
I always felt more comfortable telling my friends,
Cause they were mine
I knew they would never tell.

*

Yesterday, in spoken word
Was the most terrifying thing I've ever
Done.
And honestly, I'd stressed myself out for days
Trying to decide whether I should say it.
But, to be honest
I never even intended to share...
But I can never resist you or her...
Why?
Well... I guess that has something to do
With truth or dare ...

But anyway, I just really really need to talk with you.
So, can we find a time soon?

*

...I love you...

~june 2019

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