his forgotten mate

CHAPTER 33

Chris. Even in the dark his features were troubled, I knew all his faces… I could remember them, I bit my lip, maybe this was all too much for him and he didn’t want to deal with the babies and I. I tried not to let him not wanting them, not wanting me not hurt me, burn me but I couldn’t, it stung. My wolf whining.

“Rainy?” he tried again, brows furrowed, “what’s wrong? Are you in pain?” why was he worried? Wasn’t he waiting to tell me this was more than he bargained for? I sighed looking at the covered window, wishing I could be outside.

Chris jumped from his seat, leaving the room, sadden I turned back to the window, shaking, but when the door sounded again and I looked I saw Chris pushing a wheelchair, sheepishly.

“You – we can – go on the roof, you just – it’s safer if you’re not on your feet…” he said scratching the back of his head, unsure. How did he… “You uhm – you said you wished you could be outside… it’s dark out… it won’t be so bad on your eyes, if you want I can ask a nurse to take you, if you don’t want to be alone – with me I mean,” he blurted out nervously. I thought about it, but I needed to talk to him… the kids were sleeping now…

“No… we can go…” but my voice was shaky, Chris wouldn’t hurt me. Chris wouldn’t hurt me. He isn’t Seth. They were nothing alike; I just had to remember that.

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.

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I had to give it to Chris… it took 30 minutes to get to the roof but he never pushed, taking his time making sure that I felt at ease, which could only be so much. So far on this floor I had only seen women nurses and doctors not a single male besides, Chris, Logan, Nico, and Caleb. But when the elevator opened a floor up from ours and a man was going to enter, my heart raced, and my breathing hitched, coming out as more of a pant than a breath. Chris released a low guttural growl halting his entrance onto the elevator, ‘I’ll get the next one,” the man said stepping back.

“So… what’s bothering you?” I asked just as Chris asked me, “How are you?”

“You first,” we said again together, he chuckled.

“Chris…” I said not ready to speak of my fears just yet, so I turned away from him just looking, feeling the breeze as it swirled,  blew around us, I noticed that we weren’t exactly near a beach, but up where I was now, I could see the ocean. However I also noted mountains, houses darted about but in no particular order… where were we?

“I don’t want to add… make things worse… I should be lessening the brunt of everything Rainy… not-”

I shook my head, regretting it when I felt dizzy.

“I know we’re a lot to handle but…” I shrugged not wanting to finish, I couldn’t even say it, I couldn’t tell him we would be fine without him, not when… he was here now.

“Wait! Wait! What are you – this, the problem – it isn’t about you and our children, Rainy; I’m right where I want to be.  Nothing is going to pull me away from you or our children. Nothing.” He said adamantly.

I frowned… what made him look so… torn up? “I don’t understand…” I searched his face, beseechingly.

“Masen, the man who rescued you…” he said carefully so I nodded for him to continue, “He came to me, told me a few things about my brother…” my shoulders sagged, I breathed relaxed.

“Derrick had videos of me?” I said knowingly, angry but I knew this already, Chris wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already know, but apparently he wasn’t wise to that.

“You – how – I – uh?” he stammered and I almost felt sorry for him, he’s been at his hospital too long, only treating children, he doesn’t know the cruelty of the world or just how sadistic he was.

“It was a game to him,” I hoped he understood, I didn’t want his name to come out of my mouth, not anymore, “I was his pet Chris… he showed me everything, over and over again. Adina handed me off like I was a bag of groceries, you built a cottage for Anna, you tried to stand up for Logan but they used the hospital against you,” I spat angrily and he flinched looking away.

“Chris… I know that life went on after me… but he would make people pretend to care, make me believe that they would send help and when the kids Michael, Kayla and Bailey were 2 years old, I stopped believing it. He sent videos to Derrick, showing Derrick how Adina handed me over, then showed him videos of my abuse… he wasn’t doing it to taunt Derrick; it was to taunt and hurt me. To show me my place, that I would – we would always be his, because we were unimportant,” I shrugged, struggling to say the words, but hearing them now in the back of my head even free, “we were animals, below him-” Chris growled, stopping me.

“None of that is true!” he gritted out, standing away from me, “If any of that was true, he wouldn’t have had to go to such lengths when it came to me! He wouldn’t have needed to make me forget that you were my mate! How come he never sent those videos to me? Or to Logan? It might have been a mind game Rainy, but he wasn’t letting everyone play,” his voice lost the fire at the end, “your life isn’t a game,” he said sadly.

“Then why am I so tired from playing?” I asked wanting an answer, but knowing at the same time he couldn’t give me that. No one could. But it was the truth, my truth, I was exhausted, I had been playing for so long, too long.

My eyes blurred as I looked at Chris, my stomach in my chest, it felt heavy, “he’s gone Chris and I’m still playing,” he shook his head, swallowing, going to his knees right in front of me. Solemnly, different from what I remembered, but the same in so many ways.

“No you aren’t love,” I looked away, he didn’t understand, he was in my head, securely implanted, how could I get him out? I couldn’t…

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