Well, That Happened (Troyler AU)

Chapter 17

Troye POV

I just had to fall asleep before I heard Tyler's response, didn't I?

Then again, I'm not sure if he even heard me. He was so silent, that for all I know,meh could've been asleep.

And at the same time, would I have wanted to hear the answer? He could've rejected me. He could've said yeah, but it was in the heat of the moment. He could've said yeah, and only wanted to because he's thirsty as fuck.

What did I expect, really? It's not like he's in love with me, or anything.

Am I even in love with him?

I don't know. I don't know what love is, really. I'm only fifteen, though love is something that you can learn and understand at any age, so that doesn't say much other than that I've had less time for experience in this department if anything.
But what I'm saying ( or thinking, I'm not speaking aloud right now. God forbid ) is that I have no idea if I'm in love with Tyler Oakley, but I think I potentially could be. I know I am interested in him as more than a friend. I also know that I'm not interested in him just for looks or sex. God forbid.

It's now Sunday morning. Not much has happened since I woke up about an hour ago, since I'm the first one awake again. I didn't bother waking Tyler, knowing he would be out for hours. I figured the same would be about the others, as well, since they all drank quite a bit, aside from a couple of them, including myself. I know, I know, I've drunken before, but I just really do not like the feeling of not knowing what the hell you're doing. Call me crazy, but it's the truth.

I cleaned up in the river again, but much quicker and in my swim trunks this time. There weren't any interruptions. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed by that, which made me slightly concerned with myself, but I wasn't going to think about that right now. Or ever, if possible, really.

Honestly, thinking about last night, I should've just kissed Tyler right then and there, in the moment where he was staring me in the eye, both of us on the ground, time ticking away for the others to call us back. It might've solved a lot of questions being woven in my mind right now, and if Tyler didn't kiss back in the... Preferable way, then I could've played it off, saying it was for the game. Not sure if he would've bought it, but hey, as I mentioned before, I am an actor. I was young Wolverine in his movie.
I'm kind of amazing at everything.

But no, I was to cowardly and he was either too indecisive or too hesitant or to unwilling or too scared or too caught up in his thought, so it didn't happen. I thought things might be awkward between us after that, and indeed Tyler didn't speak to me until the night was pretty much over ( or anyone, really. Hannah tried to catch his attention a few times, but I don't think he noticed. ) I had almost given up hope on him talking to me, until he pulled me aside, asking if we could share a sleeping bag again.

I knew then and there that he really didn't want things to be awkward, even if it was to be expected. I couldn't let him feel that way, especially since I was afraid of the very same thing. So, I obliged immediately, and it was almost as if we were in our normal routine, until the thought of him almost kissing me became stuck on my mind. It refused to disentangle itself from my web of thoughts, that one. So, I asked him about.
No response. But you already knew that.

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Word of advice: Never walk through the woods by yourself if you don't already know where everyone else is.

Or else you'll be like me, who happens to be very light on my feet despite my occasional ( okay, common ) clumsiness, and walks in on Marcus and Niomi... Should I keep going?