Summer Solstice

Talking and Friends

{{"So, Kaida. What's going on with you and Little Joe?"}}

She stopped flipping the pages of her notebook and just stared at the page. I scooted a bit closer and lowered my voice. "Come on, really Kaida. Is he your boyfriend or, I mean, what do I call him? Are you two together?" And I waited impatiently for her answer.

A full agonizing minute ticked by, and she shrugged her shoulders. "I'll tell you as soon as I figure it out."

"I don't understand, you don't know if you're dating or not?" I opened my backpack and rummaged through it until I found her reindeer hat. I flopped it on top of her bag. She stared at it for a minute, then flicked one of the antlers. "I don't know. No, I suppose not. He's never asked me out, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm single." She yanked the hat off her bag and crammed it on her head. "I just don't understand boys, you know?" She tossed the notepad on the table and crossed her arms.

"Well, yeah, I do. I don't get a lot of how they think or why they do half the things they do. But I'm pretty sure they feel the same way about the stuff we do." I smiled, hoping to make her laugh, or maybe just smile a little, but she didn't. "Want to tell me about it?" I patted her leg and she looked up, a bit sad, and at the same time, angry.

"Joe is crazy. Like he has a screw loose upstairs." She snorted and propped her feet on the table.

"Uh, crazy...... sure." I shoved her feet of the table before the librarian could see. I didn't want to get detention on the last day of school. Well, maybe not the real last day for everyone, but the seniors didn't really need to come back after today, unless they wanted to use the library for filling out college applications.

She glared at me, but not because I'd knocked her feet down, she was just upset. "He likes me, but he doesn't like me.... too much? Enough? I don't know how to explain."

She sat forward and folded her arms on the table top, resting her cheek on one arm. "He kissed me on the cheek when he walked me home from the dance, and he seemed really happy. I was happy. And then when we walked to Maggie's yesterday, he kissed me on the cheek on her porch before we went in." She sat up, her cheeks a bit pink.

"And this morning when we got to Maggie's to pick you two up, before we got out of the car, he looked like he was about to kiss me. REALLY kiss me. Then he just, I don't know, changed his mind I guess. Then he kissed me on the cheek again."

"Every time he looks at me it feels like my insides are all twisted upside-down. And he looks at me like, like I can't even explain. Like I'm his and then not his. Then he looks terrified, like he's going to be skinned alive or something. I love it when he looks at me that way, until he freaks out. Then its just really annoying." She turned her head and buried her face in her arms, and I heard a muffled mumbling sound.

"What?" I asked softly.

She turned and ran her fingers through her hair, propping her head in her hands. "How can I like a guy and want to maim him at the same time?" She shook her head and smiled sadly at me, "I mean, I'd never hurt him, but I really want to hurt him. Why can't boys come with instruction manuals, like a blender, or a toaster?"

I smiled and patted her leg again. "If it were that easy, we'd just unplug them when they didn't work right. And that would be boring." I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "I'm not sure what's going on with Joe, but..... I was kind of hoping you guys were already dating and had just forgotten to tell me."

She sighed and smiled, though it wasn't a real smile. "I wish. It would make being around him a lot easier. He always looks like he wants to reach out and touch me, and he doesn't. If he was mine, he wouldn't have to second guess trying to hold my hand or kiss me." She shifted in her seat and started going through her pack. She pulled out a pile of papers and started filing them out.