Noyade | Rabastan Lestrange [2] ✔︎

32 | FAULT

Phoenix was kneeling on the floor when Rabastan pushed Crystal away from her. The girl cried out and though Phoenix would normally have looked up at the sound, she simply kept staring at the dirt in front of her knees. She did not even move on her own accord when Rabastan cupped her face with his hands and levelled her eyes with his.

His gaze roamed over her face for a moment before he turned his head, not removing his hands from her face and yelling, "Fuck off or I'll make you pay tenfold for what you just did."

Out of the corner of her eye, Phoenix saw figures stumbling away into the trees. Her own body, however, was numb with shock and it seemed like her heart was nothing but a dark void, like all the emotions had suddenly been sucked out of it.

"Are you alright, love?" Rabastan asked, his voice low but firm.

She didn't answer, she couldn't. Was she alright? Phoenix had no idea whether she was fine or not. Crystal's words had knocked the wind out of her sails and now she had no idea how to cope with the overflow of emotions other than to corner them in the most remote part of her brain.

Mechanically her hands covered Rabastan's and lowered them from her cheeks before she straightened her back. Phoenix closed her eyes and when she opened them again met his light blue gaze. She sighed, "I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"There's nothing you have to be sorry for," the blonde boy countered, pulling his wand out of the back pocket of his jeans. "I'm just glad I was here."

He pointed the wand towards her face and started to mutter a healing spell, but Phoenix grabbed his hand and shook her head. "I don't need to be healed."

"What are you talking about? There's a cut on your cheek that looks pretty bad. If you don't let me heal you, you'll have to get stitches," Rabastan tried to convince her, wriggling his wrist out of her hand, but she grabbed it again.

Phoenix' voice sounded empty when she persisted, "I need the pain right now, okay?"

His eyes narrowed as he studied her face, searching her eyes for any sign of how he should go about it. Then his face softened and he nodded in understanding. "Okay."

He got to his feet and held out his hand to help her get up as well. Gratefully she took his offer and let him pull her to her feet, pushing her hair out of her face. When she removed her hand, it was partly covered with blood. She didn't even blink an eye at the sight, which made Rabastan give her a look of surprise. "Are you sure you don't want me to heal you."

"I'm fine," was her short answer.

She looked around. The group of students was gone and the only thing that indicated that they had even been there in the first place was a torn sleeve lying next to the trunk of a tree. Phoenix turned towards Rabastan, tilting her head. "You can impossibly have fought all of them off. How did you do it?"

"That's not of importance right now. We should go back to the castle. If a blow to the head made me realise one thing, it is that we won't find Jack like this," Rabastan changed the subject, heading in a random direction between the trees – at least it seemed random to Phoenix. Every tree around them looked the same to her and she had no idea where they had come from. As she turned around herself it seemed like the trees were moving closer together and closing in on her. She couldn't see anything but leaves and trunks anymore. The dark atmosphere of the forest seemed to suffocate her, the fog entering her airways and preventing her from breathing properly.

She gasped, letting her head fall back and staring up at the treetops. The branches and leaves created a beautiful ornamental pattern, but it only made the forest look colder and darker. Phoenix tried to suck in a shaky breath, but the air just wouldn't enter her lungs. Instead she pictures, which she had caged under a pile of other memories and tried to forget, passed through her vision. She saw herself leaning against a house in Hogsmead, blowing hot air at her hands, hoping for them to get warmer despite the falling snow. Every few seconds she turned her head to make sure she didn't miss when Daphne was coming to their meeting point – but the girl never arrived. The day of her death. Then she saw herself reading a letter in Bella's handwriting and it knocked the little rest of air out of her lungs. Her cousin had suggested for her to meet up with Damian's sister. Phoenix had lured her into a trap. She saw herself walking back to the castle, thinking that Daphne had decided not to talk to her after all.

Without even truly realising it Phoenix was chocking, unable to breathe and feeling like she had to throw up. There was Daphne's face smiling at her. Her blue eyes were sparkling with joy as she stretched out her hands and turned in a circle, her golden hair almost glowing in the sunlight in front of the castle. Daphne would never experience happiness like that again.

Rabastan's voice calling out for her sounded like it was coming from outside the water while she was submerged in the ocean. She was drowning, but she couldn't even let the water in. There was nothing to fill her burning lungs, which she so desperately had to provide with oxygen, but couldn't. His voice was like a lifeline which she couldn't reach, coming from somewhere far away.

All the feelings came rushing back, rolling over her like a huge wave and burying her underneath it. If only she could hold on to a single emotion and concentrate on it. However, they all occupied her mind at once, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

Not until hands grabbed both of her shoulders and her vision focused enough to see the outlines of Rabastan's face. She felt an unexpected warmth spread from where his skin was touching the fabric of her jumper, which slowly spread through her whole body, as if she was being wrapped in a thick blanked. His lips were moving, but he had to repeat himself a few times until Phoenix was finally able to make out his words. "You have to breathe with me. Take a deep breath in, like this, and then blow it out again."

He was moving one hand from her shoulder to support his words by showing how the air would enter her lungs and leave it again. When she tried to follow his instructions, but failing miserably, he still nodded and encouraged her, "You're doing great. Just let the air slowly fill your whole lungs." He placed his hand back on her shoulder, softly caressing it. "You're going to be fine. You're not alone, love."

It seemed impossible to Phoenix, but eventually her breathing normalised and she took a step back, Rabastan's hands falling away from her shoulders. She looked up at him with widened eyes and her voice sounded muffled when she asked, "What just happened?"

"I think you had a panic attack," Rabastan answered calmly, running one hand through his nearly white curls.

"Merlin," she murmured, turning away from him, embarrassed by the fact that she kept depending on him to save her from her own feelings when obviously he wasn't well himself.

"Happens to the best of us," he assured her and added, "Are you feeling better?"

"I guess," Phoenix answered, turning back around to face him after another moment.

He stood with his hands shoved into his pockets, looking at the ground. As they still stood rather close she noticed how his long eyelashes were nearly brushing his cheeks and his Adams apple moved when he swallowed. "You know, about what that Gryffindor girl said. It's not your fault. Bella killed her, not you."

Phoenix stood completely still for a moment, locking eyes with him when he looked up. Then she drew her shoulders up and hugged her arms around herself. With a shake of her head she admitted, "You're wrong. I actually helped. It's my fault, too, that Daphne's dead."