My Dark Knight

Chapter Six- Breakdown (Rewritten)

(A/N: Trigger Warning: The character has a panic attack and a break down in this chapter! It's at the beginning, and is done about halfway down.)

I was allowed to go home after two days, but I had to be back at the hospital to get my stitches out in two weeks. It was all I could do to hold myself together. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror, I was so disgusted with how I looked! Bruce had all but closed off, not talking to me or Alfred in the last few days. Logically, I knew why. He was mourning Rachel. I knew that. But my anxiety told me he was avoiding me because I now bore the scars of the man that had killed her. I was breaking down, I needed his reassurance that he still loved me, that I wasn't the monster I thought I was. I walked up to his room in Wayne Tower, and knocked on the door, then walked in. He was sitting in a chair, staring out one of the floor to ceiling windows at the city. 

"...Bruce?" I asked, quietly. He tilted his head to the side, telling me he was listening. "Bruce, darling...can I talk to you?" I asked. He sighed. 

"Not right now, Carter. I need some time alone." He said. He tried to say it as gently as possible, but no matter how gently he said it, it still broke my heart. In my mind, that told me he no longer wanted me. I was indeed, what I feared...a monster. I walked out and headed over to our room. The pain in my heart felt unbearable. I couldn't take it. I shut the door, locked it, then blocked it with a chair. Once I did that, I grabbed the first thing I saw, which happened to be a lamp, and threw it against the wall, shattering it. Then, I grabbed the vase of flowers sitting on my dresser, and threw that against the wall too. I tore the room apart, ignoring Alfred frantically calling my name and trying to open the door. I tore our curtains to shreds, and ripped the covers from the bed. I overturned the mattress and shoved the end table to the floor. I stormed into the bathroom and ripped the gauze off my wounds. I glared at my reflection in the mirror.

"It's no wonder he hates me. Why wouldn't he? I'm DISGUSTING! I'm a monster!! I'm horrible! I hate you!!" I yelled at my reflection. I began punching the mirror repeatedly, shattering it and getting glass in my hand. "I HATE, YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!!!" I screamed, grabbing at the stitches on my face and ripping them out, screaming in agony as I did. Suddenly, the door was broken down, and someone was running towards the bathroom. I looked up and saw Bruce standing there, a look of shock on his face. It was at this point, I fell to my knees, sobbing. He quickly dropped down and hugged me tight, although I tried to resist.

"Carter! Carter, talk to me! What's wrong?!" He asked. 

"Why are you patronizing me?!" I sobbed. He looked confused.

"What?" He asked, and I looked up at him, tears pouring down my face.

"I know I'm horrible, I know I'm a monster! You haven't spoken to me because I look like the psychopath that took your best friend from you, so why do you keep torturing me! Why haven't you gotten rid of me yet?! Why haven't you divorced me?!" I sobbed. He gently rested his hands on either side of my face.

"Oh, Honey, no, that's not it at all! Carter, I am so sorry, I was so stuck in my own mind, that I forgot to check in on you. I had no idea you were so affected by this. I should have known. We need to be each other's rock." He said. I nodded, but soon began hyperventilating. He gently picked me up. "Alright, come on, I'm taking you-" I cut him off, panicking.

"No, not Arkham! Don't take me to Arkham, Bruce, please!!" I sobbed, and he held me closer.

"Relax love, I'm not taking you there. I would NEVER take you there. I'm taking you to Gotham General, okay? We need to get you calmed down and relaxed. We need to get your stitches replaced too." He said. Only then did I notice that there was a scary amount of blood staining his shirt. I nodded, still hyperventilating. We got there pretty quickly, and I was admitted and given a room. I was given something to calm down, my stitches were replaced, and I was diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder. Bruce came back into my room after getting us both some water. He handed me a water bottle.

"Thank you." I whispered. He nodded and sat in a chair beside my bed. "Bruce, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done any of that or acted like that! I can't believe I fell apart like that!" I said. He looked up at me, and held my hand.

"Don't apologize Carter. You don't have too. Everything in that room is replaceable. You aren't. We were both having a hard time, and we should have been helping each other. You needed my help, my support, and I didn't give it to you. Darling, I am so sorry." He said, and we gave each other a kiss.

"It's okay, Bruce. We'll get through everything together. We always do." I said, and he nodded.

"We do." He stood then. "Alright, love, the Doctor decided to admit you for a couple days just to make sure that you are going to be okay." He said. I nodded. "I'm gonna run home and bring back some of your things. I'll be back soon." He said.

"Okay. Thank you." I said. We kissed again, and he walked out of my room. I felt much better than I had earlier, and though I knew these scars would always haunt me as a memory of the Joker, I also knew that I wouldn't let these scars define me. I wouldn't let them disgust me. I would wear them as a badge of honor that I had survived the Joker's terror of Gotham. It was about thirty minutes later, I had been resting, when the nurses and doctors were running down the halls in a panic! I sat up as a nurse ran into my room. "Ma'am, what's going on?!" I asked. She put my IV bag on a rolling stand, and helped me stand up.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Wayne, we have to evacuate! The Joker has put out a threat to destroy one of the hospitals in Gotham!" She said. My jaw dropped, and I moved quickly, following her out and getting onto a bus, hoping that Bruce would be coming soon. It was maybe five minutes later, that Gotham General exploded! Everyone in the bus ducked down, so we didn't notice someone jump onto the back of the bus, until it jolted forward, driving away from the wreckage of the hospital. When it stopped, it was when we noticed the Joker had kidnapped us all! For heaven's sake, I just keep getting caught by him?! His goons yanked everyone off the bus, dressed the hostages as his goons and vice a versa! How sick!! When they came to me, the Joker stopped them. He came over to me, as they held me in place.

"Well, well, look who it is? Miss Gordon! Or, should I say, Mrs. Wayne? You've been a very bad girl!" He said. He then roughly grabbed ahold of my face, and ripped the new gauze off my wounds. "There's a reason I gave you these scars like mine. Would you like to know why?" He asked. I tried to shake my head no, but he moved my head so I was nodding yes. He leaned in close to me. 

"Because you are going to be my Clown Princess of Crime!"